Crawl up into a ball

I want to crawl up like a ball in a deep corner where I am not bothered and where it is peaceful and from all the torment and hate I get. My whole life has been nothing, but a failure. All of my friends have been going against me and hating on me. I have seen one of my friends talking dirt behind my back and this isn’t the first time. I have been bullied for most of my life already. I am starting to think about suicide and that my life will never get better. My school social and academically is failing. My mother thinks having a abortion was better than having the child she has right now. I just want to live my life and see what is going on, but I think my life is nothing but a failure. I dont know why I am still living and why I am here.
I hate myself for it. I keep thinking that if i had only done this I could have stopped it, if i had only done that. That’s when I started lying. Well that right there is self explanatory and I don’t feel like getting into it. So all of that brings me to my current emotion now. (That and a huge heartbreak that in all honesty is all my fault. I can’t really pick them well and I’m the one who said we weren’t actually dating so I know it’s my fault and I had brought it upon myself.) So now I just want to go away. But I don’t know if I can. I mean I know I can physically. But mentally I can’t bring myself to it. I can’t just forget about those I love just like that. I can’t let go of myself because what if there’s just that small chance that I can be better again? Then again, what if there’s no chance at all. Or what if there is a chance but it’s going to take years to get to where i need to be? I don’t know anymore. Any insight or advice or something would be great thanks.