I am alive. I didn’t die. No one knows I tried, I passed out for hours, I woke up and threw up. Didn’t die. Didn’t go to the hospital. I still want to die. I know people look at my life, and wonder how I could possibly be unhappy. My parents are married, seem happy. My dad lost his job, we are in danger of losing our house. Our family is fucked up. I have diagnosed depression, ADHD, anxiety, panic disorder, PTSD. I was raped and I never told anyone. I have always hated myself, that made it worse. I started using drugs, skipping school. Failing grades, dropping honors courses, my parents hating me. My therapist never listened. I just gave my body away. To anyone who asked. I would get high and have sex with anyone and everyone. I finally told people, but it hasn’t helped. I have been bullied for years, my parents just tell me to ignore it, not let it bother me. So I cut. I am a mess. I am 15 years old. Death would save me.
10 comments
Death is a easy way out. Death is not the answer, You just have to be safe. Life is so hard, I know. My family is pretty much fucked as well, but you have to be the one turning around. and maybe just maybe little by little it gets better.
I am in so much pain. All the time.
Little may you know, So is everyone around you. Your family. Think about it, the stress of the house and trying to gather money and the fact their daughter isnt happy, they are trying to not show it. So , why cant you try to
I didn’t come to be judged. You don’t understand. I hate myself, the pain…
Hey Alykayt I read your last post and I didn’t comment because I didn’t know what to say. But reading this now, even though I don’t know you and we’ve never talked before, I’m really glad you’re still here. And I just thought you should know that people care what you do to yourself. I’m sorry things are difficult, I know I can relate, and I’m sure a lot of others here can as well. I think Bella-omy12345 got it right the best thing you can do is to try and be the change you want to happen (i know thats uber corny) and slowly, hopefully it’ll get better.
No Im not trying to judge, im just trying to help. Im not going to give you a fake answer, you need the real one. and I agree with shtbnhk
Seems like all the avenues you tried were either closed or filled with detritus.
Death is not an answer it is an end.
Death is when you are not seeking relief but a total stop.
I’d suggest you keep trying different therapists until you find one who does listen.
And to keep talking to your parents until they listen.
Let the therapist know so they can interven and maybe have family therapy so your folks can truly understand.
*roll eyes*
alykayt
Your issues are because of people abusing you in different ways.
Even before you are fully developed enough to handle life in general let alone the suffering you have been through.
I am not saying that your youth precludes you from self inflicted death.
Just that I feel the same way about young people and suicide that I do about young people and crime. Rehabilitation and aid before drastic measures.
Because youth should have a chance outside the horrors they have been dealt growing up.
But hey, if you really are seeking a final end, I can do nothing but wish you peace and an end to pain respectfully.
If you don’t want people to try and help you, don’t write your story on the internet. For fuck’s sake. Death wouldn’t save you; death would end you. You’d hurt people if you did it – if that’s what you want; then noone can stop you. Go get help, it’s the only solution. If you don’t want help, then that’s your own choice.