i cheated on my boyfriend. and i’ve regretted it ever since. it’s all i think about. and it’s eating me alive.
he likes to bring it up all the time. and it makes me want to die.
the stress is building up inside. and i just want to escape.
i want to fly away. the reaper in the night.
fade. into the blackness.
7 comments
I’m sure you have but, ask him what you can do to make up to him, if you really want to make it right, you have to talk with him, do everything you possibly can.
He brings it up because it hurts him as well, but he clearly loves you by staying with you. Just talk with him, it’s the best thing you can do. Only time and trying to make amends will ever put that feeling of regret behind you. Don’t expect it to happen anytime soon though, mainly because it seems you care a hell of a lot as well.( a good thing)!. Keep strong and you guys will get through it.
@crewde, thank you and i agree. that’s the thing though, is that’s what i’ve been trying to do. (FOR MONTHS) i gave up talking to basically anyone except my family, for him to try and make it work. which was totally okay with me. i stopped doing any drugs except occasionally smoking weed. and still able to drink with his family. i had a lot of conditions. and whenever he wasnted to fight. i WOULD talk. i understand how it makes him feel and why he gets upset. and i let him know in a calm manner. but, thanks. that helped.
@softsoul, i’m gonna have to agree. lol.
@traptsoul. like i said to crewde, i have explained it. and it’s becoming so stressful that i don’t know what else to do. i changed my number and now only a select few people have it but, he still can’t trust me to simply pick up the phone to text my sister. and like in your parentheses/brackets, i told him that too. but thank you.
@dawg, thank you SO much. but he doesn’t understand that. that i’m hurt because of what i did. not because i got caught. i’m hurt that i hurt him but i’m also hurt because i also hurt myself in doing it. BUT, i cannot forgive myself and we cannot move on to better days until he forgives me. and i don’t think he ever will. it’s been months on end. and i don’t know what to do. also, in the end of what you said, i might be one of those people who would put myself in that position of being hurt because that’s all i’ve ever known. and maybe that’s why i did it. because he was nowhere near anyone that i’ve ever been with before. but, thank you dawg. all of what you said was almost elightening.
Are you serious? The best wisdom comes out of making silly choices.
Hey i think you should explain to him how it makes you feel when he brings it up and let him explain to you how it makes him feel obviously he cant get over if he keeps bringing it up, but he has to understand people make mistakes .Anyway you guys should try to work it out since you clearly love the person. its just do they love you enough to move forward past the mistakes you have made[ if you love someone your suppose to love the good and bad in them ]and if he cant get over your mistake then i dont no what to say.It will take time to fix things but if he is willing to move on and stop bring it up then you guys can start their .All in all you guys should sit down and talk about it.
If your bf decides to stay with you then it is up to him to forgive you. If he can not forgive you then he needs to move on.
Uttilini is spot on – if your BF cannot forgive you, and continues to use you mistake as a weapon against you, then your relationship is already doomed – and ha will have been HIS choice.
You need to consider the why and how of the mistake you made – why did you do it? How can ensure YOURSELF that you won’t do it again? cheating is not about he sex – it’s about TRUST and the breaking of a promise. If you can’t or haven’t change the behavior of the why and how it is the lead to you choosing to cheat. How is your BF going to believe it won’t happen again? ask yourself this – are you sad/upset because you made the mistake or because you got caught? If the answer is “because you got caught” the relationship is doomed.
Trust is the foundation – the very base – of any relationship. in your relationship, you’ve broken that trust – but you first have to figure out the how and why it happened, correct the behavior THEN FORGIVE YOURSELF.
now, your BF is very hurt – so he probably keeps “bringing it up” to be punitive … to hurt you “as much as you hurt him” – but that is not right or fair but his pain and hurt IS real. that doesn’t give him the right to keep beating you up with your mistake.
so that brings us back to what Uttilini said – it’s time for him to forgive and move on, if he can’t then you should probably go separate ways. you also need to ask yourself – if he is going to treat every mistake like this – dragging out your “punishment” for days and weeks – is this the type of relationship you want to stay in?
please start with Forgiving yourself 🙂
counselor dawg
So thats what happned to you.
Glad to see you are still alive.
Have a nice life