the second I come home from school it’s like my parents hold in and save all their yelling energy to take it out on me right when I get home. they wonder why I’m afraid to come home and I hate being home. they don’t realize what the do to me actually hurts and effects me. they think oh I can handle it I’ll be fine. yeah right. I’ve been dealing with it for so long and I’m sick of it. just shut the fuck up and go on with your lives and stay out of mine. cuz they just keep making it worse and worse and they only think they are trying to help. when in reality I fail more when they yell more. I’m soo sick of it. all the yelling and screaming. it’s a never ended ambush of curse words and spit. they claim they yell the same amount at my brother but whenever they talk to him it’s sweet and kind but regardless what I do it’s always yelling. how pathetic is that? my family doesn’t know how to communicate. my parents think they are the greatest parents in the world. well bullshit. if they were so great then how come Ive had depression for 5 years and still don’t have meds and it’s only gotten worse. my mom has kicked me out of my house more times then she’s told me she loved me. she’s never said she’s proud of me. she told me she will only tell me she’s proud of me when I do good things. not regardless. even if it’s for like accelling at a sport she’s not proud of me.. my parents think they know everything about me and they think we have an amazing relationship when I’ve never told either one of my parents anything about my personal life. they act like they love me sooo much in front of people but when everyone is gone they yell at me for the littlest things. I can’t deal with them anymore. I wanna runaway. I tried hiding and they find me. I tried pleasing them and it’s not good enough. nothing I do is good enough for them. it has to be better than A+ material. and you can’t get more perfect then that. and they don’t understand the pressure they put on me to be perfect. so outside the academic world I still panic to be perfect. if I don’t do something perfect I’m afraid to be yelled at.. I’m afraid to do things because I’m scared that it won’t be good enough. I’m afraid to take risks. I want all this to end. I want to be understood. I want to be noticed. and not be invisible. I want people to care. I want my parents to appreciate me.. I want the world to appreciate one another..
is that too much to ask..?
4 comments
Listen! You need to educate yourself. Check out the clips on youtube entitled ‘Homecoming’, it’s a lecture given by a family systems pioneer named John Bradshaw.
The whole dynamic in your family has been established because of a bunch of things you need to get in touch with an understand. Nothing is your fault. It’s a matter of getting to the root of the issues.
It’s not about you…it’s about your own parents misplaced focus on what is important for you.
It’s that simple. You need only to be loved for the very one you are. All this yelling…???..oy,
Are you able to tell them “your happiness is not based on my getting straight A’s in school, nor is it a reflection of the fantastic person I am…” Period. “So back off, you’re contributing to the problem”, “Relax”, and let me handle my work the way I know how.”
Parent and everyone else gets up in your business and they have place getting in your boat so to speak. I’d stand some ground if I were you, and focus only on how you feel and how you want to express that…your folks are grown ups, they’ll take it fine…operate from a place of fearlessness…from a place of complete and unconditional love for yourself and you’ll find things will smooth out better. Do some research though. Good luck! This type of dynamic is too prevalent in families, and there’s lot of awareness and room for improvement with respect to the way everyone interacts with everyone. Take care.
I have tried to tell them that they are the cause of my depression and they are in denial about everything when I tell them to relax they yell. they only care about school and not about trying to build a relationship with me so they can communicate better therefore I’d do better in school and I’ve told them that many times and they refuse to listen. they claim I’m just making excuses:/
…have NO place getting in your boat…(correction)
I know what it’s like my mother acts like she’s a perfect Parent knowing everything about me thinking that I can handel more arguments more lies more of being fake. But behind close doors she docent wanna know me having arguments over the stupidest of things. I can’t say the same for my father he and my mother split up . I don’t blame him he had a lucky escape.