Its hard to agree with others when they say i need mental help. I have been through so much, suicide is the only way out. To be honest i have had so many suicide attempts, i lost count. I’ve been put through so much help. I just want to be loved. Is that too much to ask for? My life started failing for me when i was about 5. I used to get molested by my older next door neighbor. Its hard trying to write all of this down when i have tears in my eyes, its a hard topic for me to speak about, but i NEED the help! He used to wait until i was alone and he would have his way with me. He would touch me innapropriately and act as is nothing happened when everyone came back. Of course i was just a little girl back then, i didnt know what was going on. Years later, the same thing started happening again, except this time it was with my god-father. In thi case though, it continued for a long period of time. He would tell me to NOT tell anyone because the consequences would be bad for both of us. Of course since i was scared, i stayed quiet. More years passed and guess what? The same thing happened again! When i was 15 (last year) my grandpa started coming in my room at night and molested me in my sleep. I dont know for how long it happened for because i only caught him once or twice. I didnt say anything though because i know that nobody would believe me. I could feel my door opening and my tears would come out because i would think to myself “Here we go again, and i cant even say anything or do something about it.” He would think that i was asleep and he would get closer to me and fully undress himself and take advantage. I would lay there crying because i was so scared, i wanted to tell someone so many times, but i was just too scared of what might happen. So for now i just kept in a secret. He never found out that i knew what evil things he would do to me at night. I hate him so much. He goes around acting like nothing ever happened. After he stopped doing that, my life started regaining strength. I bet a boy who i fell inlove with instantly. We just had a connection that i cant even describe
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Sorry you had to go through all of that pain.
And words would never be enough to help you with that.
What is going on?
What happened in your relationship to bring you to the edge of suicide?
I would not say you are mentally ill but you do need some way to deal with the things that happened to you because that abuse is affecting your life strongly.
therapy may help you to cope with the molestation so you can get your heart and mind back to a balanced state.
honestly i think you would feel much better to talk to someone about this. maybe your boyfriend. it feels so much better when you get stuff off your chest. ive had many suicidal thoughts to. lifes unfair and it just blows. dont worry you can get help and feel better and confident. though those memories will never go away you can regain your life
Have you ever told anyone this in real life? A friend, a councillor, anyone at all? It does help to be able to talk this out with someone face to face. Sexual abuse is always a touchy subject, one that has many complications ranging from personal to cultural factors.
Take for instance: I was a clinical psych major and spent most of my time in the community centres talking to the admitted patients. Many of the women (some men as well) I spoke with had problems with telling someone that they were being sexually abused because of fear from society. They were afraid that they would bring shame to their family. Never mind the fact that they were victims. Some of them were even made out as the cause of the abuse, and their families even agree that they SHOULD be abused.
The point is, it’s hard to come out and say these things because they are painful and frightening. But if you want to stop this cycle then you have to find a support system that knows this problem so that they can help you deal with the past, and help prevent it from happening again.
Ive not been abused by family members except of course my ex husband. I can relate to this though by it continually happening and you don’t know why. It feels like someone brands you as being a victim all your life even though you do nothing to deserve the abuse. I’m terrified of men and have yet to trust any of them. If a guy wants to hug me..I feel like I want to throwup but I try my best to hide it. Its very difficult to cope with sexual abuse, because its mental, physical and emotional. I can understand some of your feelings but I cant understand a family member doing that to you. I hope you do find a professional that can help you though.
Wow, Chrissie. That was almost compassionate.
Nicol your post breaks my heart i cant imagine how you feel but know that you are not alone i was attacked once and. That was bad enough but honey please tell someone so you can get some justice and help that you deserve its not your fault what happened hang in there!!
Wow. I can’t believe you had to go through that. I am so sorry. Words can’t help the pain that you have felt through your entire life. Just know that it is not your fault that this happened to you. You should tell someone what happened, I think you would feel alot better. If you keep holding all this in it is just going to drive you crazy. What happened to you was wrong and nobody should get away with it. I wish I could make it better for you just know if you ever need anymore to talk to to im here. I wont judge but I will listen. Again, I am so sorry that this happened to you, just know that god works in mysterious ways and eventually it will catch up to the sick perverts that did this to you. Karma is real and It will happen.