I am in high school. And ever since elem school i have been rejected from everything. I just dont fit in anywhere. Im not mean or too shy but people just dont like me because im smart. They think that im better than them. They make me ashamed of who i am. I can never stop crying every time i use the bathroom at school. when i come home. i go straight to my room and i cryy and cry. I look on facebook and twitter and the camp ground i used to go to seasonally. I see all these pictures of people that i used to be friends with and it breaks my heart and literally takes my breath away to see everyone so happy without. Like i never mattered to them. I always wonder what is wrong with me? why cant i be like that? it literally kills me on the inside. I cant stop listening to Why by Rascal Flatts. It just keeps me going. I really just want to die. i know there is more than school and you will never see the kids ever again but what about the painful memories that will be with me forever that i was always alone and hurting and always crying and screaming in pain. I just want to run away but my parents are going through a divorce and it would just be a burden for everyone else. Plus, i always wonder, what if things get better tomorrow.? That always keeps me from killing myself. Im sick of being bullied and ignored and being felt left out. im in so much pain… and not a single person knows through my smile of trying to act normal.
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well real freinds care always about you. you should try to make new friends even when its hard. and you really must stand over the douches at the school. You are BETTER than them! and man sry that your parents divorce :/. but dont run away! that dosent solve any problems! and it would make your parents sad i think. i think you should get something like a life coach. Just be who you are dont chance for others. and dont be ashamed i mean try to make new friends. you are surley stronger than them! dont smile if your sad show everybody your feelings! talk with other ppl what their problem with you! ask them if they have problems! connect! i know you can do it!
Stacey I feel so bad for you right now. You have been suffering for so long now. Please know that I care if you survive or not. I really do care. When I was your age I was depressed too and felt rejected by most as well. YOu are so young. You have a lot of life in front of you. And I don’t know where you live but there are a lot of resources out there for young adults who are struggling such as yourself. Try calling a local crisis hotline and ask about services in your area that may be available to you. You’d be surprised at what is out there.
Im afraid that if i call a hotline that they will track my number to my house and put me away for suicidal tendencies and thoughts. I just cant go to anybody. Everyone at my school is just so self consumed. There really is nobody and im not exaggerating. I mean it. I just wish that i would stop thinking about what about tomorrow so i can finally go away permanantly and then i wont suffer anymore. No more depression, rejection, lonliness, anxiety, tears, anger, and hurt.
i think they have Confidentiality!
dont you think that if someone called saying they want to kill themselves that they would track that and send help. they would defintely. I cant take that risk. i dont want professional help but a person that has a shoulder that i can literally cry on or arms that i can collapse in if im in too much pain. it seems so impossible.
well did you ever talked about this with your parents? or do you have other family members? if they love you they care! they want that you feel good!
my parents are too consumed with themselves and their divorce and who gets the house. THe last time i said i was suicidal to them was three years ago and they just sent me away and i never wanna go there again!!! IT was the most terrible experience of my life. I dont want to burden my other fmaily members because i dont know them too well. Trust me.. you’d think that family members are supposed to love you. if only it were really like that. it sucks.. im stuck alone.
Stacey – I can promise you – it WILL get better … maybe not tomorrow or even the next day – but I can assure you, the same intelligence that you think is making people NOT like you will be what make people NEED you. Is there no academic clubs in school that you can participate in? You might meet like-minded people in these clubs that share you intelligence and passions … and perhaps even similar social feelings – you might find more people who are more like you than you think.
s for your parents divorcing – it is never easy – but try to love both parents equally and don’t “take sides”.
try things you never thought of trying – you might be surprised 🙂
hopeful dawg
i joined all the clubs i could and all the smart kids alreayd have their clicks and one person in front of everyone in that club which is pretty much all the smart people said why the hell are you trying to fit in with us. You are just a pathetic ***** who is a wannabe wherever she goes. that reallly did it for me. im just not wanted. yesterday a girl in my chem class said i was really annoying and she said that i thought i was smarter than everyone else. I never talk in class so how can i be annoying plus i am ashamed of my grades because i get straight a+s. it sucks. people hate me for it. i just want to fail. when i know the answer i pick the wrong one anyways and i still pass the test. i dont get it!
So many people (understandably say they want to die)…you actually want to feel well, and happy but you see no light. So it’s important to be real about what you really want and you’re more apt to receive universal support in that endeavor instead of continuously thinking thoughts that go against the very flow of nature which is well being and joy-two things you deserve very much.
Good luck.
You have to understand – the “smart” kids are afraid of you and don’t know you – many of them worked hard JUST to finally get accepted into the club you are just now trying – but you have to be a little persistent and give it some time. If you went from cheerleading to science club – of course the smart kids are going to be untrusting – but you have to prove that you can be trusted and HELP them – if you can help them they will help you.
And just so you know – failing does NOTHING to help you. – is there a school counselor or even the nurse that you can talk to?
last time i talked to both of them. i was sent away. NOT HAPPENING AGAIN! that ruined my life. literally. and i have always been smart and everyone just kind of knows it bcuz ever since elem school the teacher would go congrats stacey for getting the highest score.. and it would make my heart drop when i heard that. all the smart kids just dont like me cuz they think i am trying to fit in.
Hey there Stacey! I just came across this site googling. I didn’t google because I am on the brink of suicide, but because coming home on the train this afternoon, I recalled the story of the talented young man from Rutgers U who plunged to his death a year and a half ago. I shuddered at the thought because 18 years ago, that would have been me, gone way before my time, leaving a world of people who loved me wondering why. The thought didn’t leave me when I got home, so I just sat at my computer right now, and this is one of the first sites I have landed.
The first thing I will extend to you is HOPE. It is crucial for you to have hope that the life you are living right now and the things you are going through are not ALL THERE IS. I hate it when kids are teased and bullied or allienated because it is the age we most desire to be accepted, but please, my-lovely-fellow-human-being, created-to be-a-blessing-to-this-world-in-more-ways-than-you-can-imagine; HANG ON!!!
Today I am more than grateful to be alive and living in truth, being a fruitful citizen of the world. I was a troubled, insecure 16 year old when I came close to attempting suicide. Being an artist and a perfectionist, I wanted the perfect life or what I percieved it to be. Popularity would have meant the world to me at that time- fitting in with the “in” crowd all the time. I was constantly depressed because I looked inward. Teenagers struggle with many issues. Even though I was brought up in a secure and loving home, being away in boarding high school with all these other girls brought out all these insecurities. I was the type of teen who never shared my deepest struggles. I wanted to die, and trully meant it. I had planned the method and everything, even knowing when to do it so I would just be found gone. Looking back, I am most grateful knowing the God of the universe had mercy on me and kept me back from proceeding with this aweful thing.
Painful things do happen to us in life and at times it seems like the only thing worth doing is checking out. Only a year and a half later, 2 experiences sobered me up and made me cry out to God to forgive me for trying to take the gift of life He gave me. One was that a next-door neighbor, maybe only a couple of years older than me took her own life when she realized she was pregnant and couldn’t live with the shame and pain! The grief and shock it brought us all made me realize that there is a world of people who trully care about us and wouldn’t want us to give up even in the middle of the worst circumstances. She would have recieved help and today been the mother of that little child she took with her. Secondly, one of my childhood friends committed suicide just months later. Extremely bright A student, accepted into an enviable college medical program. Her parents invested so much love into this young lady. Looking back, I don’t think she really meant to go “all the way”, maybe just to get her parent’s attention in something she was struggling with. To this day I can see her beautiful face in that coffin. I remember her chatter and laughter. I still wish she never did it. It was one of the largest and saddest funerals I have ever attended in my life (successful well known family). That one not only really broke my heart and sobered me up, but made me see that suicide brings so much pain to our loved ones who may battle with guilt for the rest of their lives because they never knew what you were going through. Her brother who drover her to the hospital when he found her was a traumatized teen. I’m sure he kept wishing he had found her in time.
Please Stacey, reconsider your decision. Don’t let the present make you miss a wonderful future. I remained alive and a gift to the world around me in countless ways. I will always know that something supernatural protected me through that aweful time and kept me from bringing eternal sorrow to myself and the world around me, especially my family.
Please Stacey, the God of the universe loves you with an everlasting love and has everything you need. He wants to wrap you in His arms and love you like no human being can because we are all limited, including parents. People will always fall short, and that’s the true meaning of human. But there is a love that never fails, a love that’s always there, a love that always understands what you are facing, a love that can watch over you.
Please also understand that suicide is not the end. We think we are ending our pain, but because our souls live forever, this is only the beginning of more pain that lasts forever and ever. You really don’t want to do this. Let love and hope reach you today, even through a stranger.
this is really uplifting.. but the only opposites that happened to you and not me was that seeing my two friends suicides in the past two months and my aunts death only rekindled my urge to leave this earth. it wasnt a wake up call to live my life but a wake up call to how i almost ignored the suicidal thought. i really dont want to feel this way but i cant help it especially when i have to spend all day at school with horrible poeple and at home where no one has a clue.
I hear you Stacey – I was kind of a ‘tweener too. But you have to invest in the people you want to fit in with … and you ARE trying to fit in – you have to give them time and reason to TRUST you – partner with the kid that looks the loneliest – be kind and be nice – and when that person opens up to you respect that new friendship – don’t EVER betray it. when you win one you will begin to win more 🙂
stacey i see you are a smart kid you know what helped me? i dont know if it will help me. playing something like magic the gathering or dungeons and dragons there are stores or places where u can play! ppl who play those games are mostly smart. you can make good friends and have a good time. you can find a playgroup almost all over the world. this helped me to get through times. this dont should be and ad for this or so. but finding something thats fun and some place where u can meet new friends is something good.
thats not my scene. thanks for the support tho
you know what stacey? in what grade you are? when you done with school you surley get a good job since you smart then you can tell every one else **** you i made it!. and i believe you know what? i got beat up in school got threated because i was different had no father who did care for me. when i was 11 – 12 my mother always told me : one day i jump off this building. my mother slapped punched me! BUT I AM STILL ALIVE! Because i prooved no matter what i must survive i am stronger! I know your stronger ! you just have to find a way out of the problems! i mean be strong! it may be rainy but one day the life shines! you must proove yourself! i believe in you. and i prayed for you! hope your life will turn better!
thank you.
Stacy *hugs*,
But ‘if’ people are jealous of you AND IT SOUNDS AS IF THEY ARE, do you REEEEALLY want to fit in with them?
I know its hard i do, but i say forget them and move on …. look for other clubs …you wold be a great girl to know because you seem really together & smart.
Few have these qualities. Rather they want you to be a pathetic loser like them with bad grades and hating on people that are smarter then them.
Chin up girl, you are lovely, and don’t listen to them okay?
Keep marching forward & stay strong.
Stacey – Be PROUD of your grades! Straight A+’s is AMAZING! Congratulations!
The people who should feel ashamed are the ones making fun of you for no reason. Kids are so cruel.
Keep strong, Hun! One day, they’ll all be working for you.
People are just jealous! You are better 🙂 man i wish i where good at school like you :3:
Yeah because you will have a better job than them! Earn More than them!. I mean damn A+ you are a hope 😀 you will have a good life so dont give up there are hard times. but the harder the times are the better will be the time after! YOU CAN MAKE IT! dont let you get down by those fools in your school 😉 you have sucess! now and in the future i belive in you Stacey 😀
omg i feel the same way. yea i have a few friends but my old friends look so happy without me in there life…
If you use a cell phone how are they going to find you? Just be out and about while talking.
idk. 911 tracks u if u r on a cell. and morgie.. doesnt it just tear your heart up? adastra, legitapplepie, & kanedamikami: you guys really lifted my spirits. you made me almost forget about everything thats goin on. this website is my true family. 🙂
Oh man. I can relate to your elementary and high school exp. I don’t know how but I somehow got through it. I see present statuses of some people back in school and notice that they are doing horribly and whine and cry for help from their other friends. And I think to myself…how does it feel to be abandoned now? Sucks, right?
Man, we are the ones who change society around without the fame, credits, or glory. But we can pat ourselves on the back someday…I have yet to do this, but I’ve talked to a lot of guys who are older and had a similar lifestyle to me…and a lot of them are doing things that are pleasing society. Their names aren’t in magazines or TV but they know that they’re capable. I’ve also read about lots of people in history who were bullied, thought horrible thoughts of themselves, or were suicidal…and they succeeded. I’m not going to say I agree that they succeeded with the thought in their heads that they were going to be successful or make a difference. Right now, only one name comes to mind though: Al Einstein. Crazy, introverted, and depressed.