Don’t really know how to begin, but know I want my pain to end. Kinda ironic, looking for an ending before a beginning. At almost 52 I have been a freaking caretaker my entire life, taking no care of myself, just everyone else. Alcoholic father, died 26 years sober…not bad! Molested as a child, by a brother and watched my sister being molested, which she denies. Found out in my forties he molested my other brother, too.  Lived with my molester as an adult, as my sister moved home when her 1st husband died with her 2 sons, (she has 3 and they are my greatest joys. ) “ML, you’ve got to move in with Jimmy, we need the space, he needs a room mate.” I’d just finished nursing school, had no $ to move out on my own, so lived with him for 16 yrs…watching him sit around in his tighty whiteys. Eating to protect myself, getting to weigh 474lbs. Gastric Bypass, lost 300lbs, started to live. Dating. Sleeping with the first guy I met in a hotel room…I even paid the bill… blood everywhere. Meeting the Nazi, never slept with him, but instead gave him $ all the time, “loans.” That and BJ’s. He liked those. Abused by the hospital I had gastric bypass at, can’t be specific it was a very publicized lawsuit. Broke my neck on Nantucket while on a motor-scooter…not paralyzed, wish I’d died then. Wouldn’t be in pain now. Moved home, to be taken care of, ended up still here taking care of everyone else. ..(brother, father, great aunt, other brother, mother, 2 husbands.) Cut the Nazi loose, met Dave, and married him. Over on the honeymoon, but stuck it out for almost 2 yrs, before cutting him loose. He liked my Dad’s power tools, but didn’t want to work…my job to support him…oh, and still living at home with my parents. Caretaker. 14 surgeries…mainly orthopedic. Constant pain. Physical and emotional. Still taking care of parents. Met and married husband # 2…still married. He’s in kidney failure, so dialysis 3 times a week, gonna start learning home dialysis , better for him, but more care-taking for me. Not working as a nurse, on disability, so money’s tight. Taking care of my Mother, too…she’s a real piece of work. Nasty, dirty, doesn’t shower, demanding. disgusting. exhibitionist. Sits on toilet naked with bathroom door open. Long knew someone abused me while in tub at about age 4, but can’t place the face. dissociation. Thinking it was her, because my reaction to her nudity is vile. as a nurse to the elderly, never had a problem with their nudity, just hers. I am so resentful, so hurt. Got 2 living siblings, brother who molested us is dead from diabetes/heart attack…he was in a wheelchair for yrs, so you guessed it, was his caretaker. I’m so tired. Sister who I watched be molested, became a nurse, too, moved away, then later robbed 2 banks and did time in a federal pokey. She’s the joy of my Mother’s life. Doesn’t do a damn thing to help, just keeps getting $ from my mother. Can’t come to help, shitty car, but I gave her a decent car so she could come and help…she sold it for $3000. Nice. Thanks *****. I could’ve sold it and needed the cash, but needed and believed your offer of help. Other brother, stops by a few times a week and stays about 10 minutes. The other joy of my Mother’s life. He’s a recovering Coke/Alcohol addict. Now he gambles. When my mother dies, I need to move out, sell the house, so he gets his cut to gamble away. I hate my life. Can’t see a way out, who’d take care of my Mother? No one. What would happen to my husband? Can’t even successfully think about suicide as my job’s not done yet. Years of torture left for me on this earth. Today, trying to escape the reality of my house, every fucking idiot light in my shitbox van comes on. Can’t even escape for a day, came back into the house thinking strongly about suicide. Even fucked that up, by goggling it and coming to this web site. Not sure what this means, am I suppose to continue living this torture with no support,no $ for therapy. C’est la vie. One day at a time. wish I drank or did drugs, to escape, but hate not being in control…funny since my life is so out of control. Thanks for reading, thanks for this site. I know I’ll be here at least for a while longer. “Hope is the thing with feathers that perches on the soul”…Hemingway? Dickinson? Don’t know, but love it, thanks whoever said it.
share your suicide story
Report Post
Please log in to report posts
13 comments
Hmm, sounds like because you are ‘a carer’ of others you ‘sometimes’ forgot to care for yourself?
I would suggest refocus your life towards you and those who are ‘a drain’ leave them be to their own devices.
The fact you have lived and experienced a lot and come through it, suggests someone who is pretty strong & driven.
People either ‘add’ to your life or ‘take’ from your life. Get rid of the latter (even if ‘so called’ family) and start living a better life.
Take Care.
Hi, thanks for your comments. I am a “caregiver,” I try to separate myself from those who are negative, but the ones who deplete me the most are my Mother and my husband. I can’t just walk away. No one will take care of my 85 year old mother. I pray she will get sick, and end up in the hospital for a few days, then go to a nursing home for rehab for a few weeks, just to get a break…how twisted is that? A nurse, a daughter, praying her mother gets sick? She won’t go voluntarily to a nursing home, and right now financially I’m stuck here…it’s her house. I was suppose to fly out to Nigeria today where my husband is from, to meet my stepdaughters and go to the US Embassy to try & get them visas to the US. My husband can’t go due to his health, so I would have been traveling alone, white, American female in a corrupt nation. Trip was cancelled as there’s civil unrest there. Part of me wishes the trip took place and I got caught up in the unrest. Trapped in Nigeria. I actually would have considered it a vacation just to get away from home! I agree that people either add or take from your life. Right now I’m stuck with the takers. I really can’t see anyway to free myself. Thanks again,,,hope your life is going well.
You can always walk away. Call the hospital and tell them she can’t cope and they’ll admit her in a home somewhere.
Sometimes you have to be mean to be kind, and you most definately need to be kind to you here. Whats going happen when your 85 (if you get there)? Is anyone going look after you?
Its emotional abuse, being used as a slave. Get some self respect.
Gee, thanks for the PEP talk…is bullying your thing? Hope your life has been and always will be wonderful.
As for when I’m 85, if I get there, I hope to God I’m never a burden to anyone, and I would happily check myself into a nursing home rather then abuse my family. I’ve been a geriatric nurse for years, so have no fear of being in a nursing home. A
As for calling a hospital and having a competent, sane woman admitted to a home somewhere…not legal in the States. Just because she’s a pain in my ass, does not mean she can be removed from her home…even if i were to “walk away.” My Mother is a Travel Agent and she books guilt trips.
Careful how you respond to posts, trying to push people over the edge? Suicidal thoughts are not something that anyone should be judging people for…”get some self respect.” Nice, real nice. Where did you get your psych degree? Rhetorical question, please don’t answer.
Hey ML…sorry just wanted to pop in to say hi and let you know what caught my attention about your post and comments….lol…ready????
My Mother is a Travel Agent and she books guilt trips.
i’m still effin’ laughing….I couldn’t have said it better myself….I am 50 and still have my mother AND my grandmother to look out for. My grandmother just turned 95 on the second of this month…i digress…lol
me i’m not so worried about you now….with that sarcastic sense of humour you can move mountains…..lol….that is probably one of your best coping skills I would hazard a guess….lol…sending you good thoughts
Amakua
Thanks for your nice reply. Glad you are laughing! My sarcastic sense of humor has always pissed my Mother off, as my father also had it….I believe I heard “Sarcasm is the lowest form of wit” on a daily basis growing up! She really wasn’t a travel agent, but she’s an ace at the Guilt trip thing. Seriously could earn frequent flyer miles from all the guilt trips I’ve been on…maybe they’ll be enough to get me into heaven! LOL! Feeling better, not needing to check out….waiting it out helps. Things can change in minutes, but when the shit hits the fan, well, I’d rather be outta here. Wish I had a better car, I’d drive to the ocean and my soul would be soothed! I’m a really good swimmer, and not a fan of icy water, so no worries, i wouldn’t throw myself into the surf!
My Mother…yep, call her “Mother” she’s never been a “Mom,” had no problem letting her sister take care of her own Mom. Ironically, my grandmother eventually ended up as my patient in the nursing home.
Think I’ll be okay, Patriot’s are up 2 touchdowns, about the only thing my Mother and I both enjoy!I send you good thoughts as well.
Prayers for you with your mom and grandmother …interesting name, Amakua, sounds Nigerian!
Hey ML….my purest intention…..my younger sister was a nurse in a retirement home for over 20 years….this is what attracted me to your post originally….you share a very similiar wit….which is good….she tells me it is what helps cope when you are dealing with trauma or possible trauma non-stop. And probably your father used it to cope with your mother….lol…sorry….that wasn’t nice…ayup and my sister didn’t learn it all on the job…lmao….
In Hawaiian, ‘aumakua is defined as a benevolent guardian spirit or family protector.
My name is just a bastardization of that….and no my parents if they are my real parents….sigh…..were very much married….lol
and here’s a sarcasm quote i stole off the internet….you may want to use it in future….lmao….mental picture of your mom’s face…lol….if you ever do…
I’m multi-talented: I can talk and piss you off all at the same time
and i can relate to the mother thing….my grandmother will slap anyone that doesn’t use her chosen address….and it’s nothing kindly and grandmotherly….but we all just call her happy bum…..thank God her hearing is now quite impaired…my brother called her that once and forgot to get on her deaf side….he’s still reeling…lol…oh yeah her proper name is Gladys….get it…glad ass….happy bum…well apparently she got it and didn’t approve….lol
Thanks for your prayers….much needed…lol
Blessed Be
Amakua
Hi Amakua,
I actually “googled” Amakua, and it certainly seems to fit, you are a benevolent guardian spirit. A family name of ours means, “may my name never be forgotten,” but I say it also means “may it never be pronounced or spelled correctly.” (Afamefuna) LOL.
Love the quote, hate the thought of ever having a mental image of her face…sends shivers up the spine! I don’t have to do anything at all to piss her off, she’s just a miserable woman, out to torture me and my husband. I imagine cremation for her, just because she’d hate it. She should’ve thought about who she named executor! Out with the trash collection some Tuesday, no ceremonial sprinkling! Pay back’s a *****. Won’t do it though as I love her siblings, my aunts and uncle and they’d be upset. So, just have to be content with knowing I will not allow any eulogies at her funeral…I won’t be a hypocrite, or allow others to be either.
So, there’s a reason to live, her funeral. : )
Never thought I’d be this way, but I am who I am!
My Mother is very deaf…selectively. TV on at highest level, refuses to wear any aids, but manages to hear whispered conversations from 2 rooms away. Have had many “Happy Bottoms” for patients, so yep, Gladys is a name i would never peg on a kid! I hear you…pardon the pun!
Heaven help us, I know I will never be like my Mother. Never had children for fear of being like her, and knew the bloodline needed to die out. The sins of the father…carrying on into another generation, NO WAY!
I have a strong belief in angels. During my accident in 1998, a “voice” 9male) told me to “tuck and roll.” Had I not curled up into a ball I would have gone head first through the windshield of car that hit me. Instead I somersaulted on the windshield, watched the driver take a drag off her cigarette, did a couple more somersaults in the air and land on my back. Broken Cervical 4-5-6, some nerve damage, but no paralysis. Someone is definitely watching over me. oh, and the 24 bed hospital on the island where the accident wanted to discharge me with a broken Right tib/fib…(leg.) The Nazi I was dating and who was with me at the time of the crash saw $ signs and tried to get me to sue. He’s now facing “charges of swindling 4 women out of over $200,000 from women he met on dating websites.” His trial is in Feb….just another phrase that can be googled! (A post on DDHG helped catch a Boston man accused of swindling women out of $200,000!) http://www.myfoxboston.com/dpp/news/local/man-allegedly-scams-women-out-of-200000-20110817#ixzz1VK4JCZNJ
i need to write a book…maybe a lifetime movie, LOL, never mind knocking myself off! See, yet another reason to live. C’est la vie!
Goodnight, Amakua…you are a guardian angel, have read many of your comments. Bless you for helping me.
ML
Wow…thank you ML….but not sure for what….you’ve finally done it…i’m speechless…maybe for the best right now…new feelings that have to be processed…and above all this strange sense of actually knowing you…maybe because of the similiarities between you and my sister….who btw was pensioned off for a rotator cuff injury and went back to university for her second degree and now has an honours BA in Social Work with a minor in thanatology…and a major in caring….wow….an honour to meet you for sure….just wow…will talk to you again soon i hope…hopefully will be less scattered by then and can respond more appropriately to your comment but i promise to check out the link tomorrow and reread your comment….wow…just wow
Gonna leave you with a little bed time story though…lol…it stars my favourite…oh yeah…only younger sister Nancy Rose. I hope you appreciate her as much as I do….lol
At my grandmother’s 90th birthday party…she started to get rather maudlin….keep in mind she is now 95, still lives on her own with no help other than me…still drives…still too active to contemplate….no health problems other than mild congestive heart ya know….she is 95 after all….and on no medications other than a little fluid pill now and again as sheoften boasts….but she was feeling sorry for herself on that day….so someone suggests that she might want to think about a retirement home or some such….and then she gets all haughty…which she does far too well….after letting her rant for a minute or two…my sister Nancy stands up and announces in front of everyone….”Hey old lady”, “you don’t need to worry about no retirement home…I got ya covered.”…So now my grandmother is thinking she can always go live with my sister….she had a granny flat at the time….lol…and then she continues….”Yep, got everything all worked out. Even managed to find a place to rent a wheelchair so we don’t have to waste any of your precious money on a new one.” and my grandmother asks meekly, “Well why would we need a wheelchair?” And my sister replies thus,…”Well, here’s my plan now, but i’m still tweaking some of the details understand, but I figure we will tolerate you as long as we can….but if you ever become a nuisance or a bother or can’t take care of yourself…know I got you covered. See…here’s my plan so far….if it ever gets to that point I figure I will be a good grand daughter and rent a wheelchair and take you out for a day to get some fresh air….i was thinking Port Stanley would be nice….and I could wheel you out to the end of the pier to watch the seagulls…now don’t you think that would be nice?” “maybe get some orangeade and some Mackie’s fries for the trip to the end of the pier…kinda like a picnic or perhaps a final meal…cuz lady when we get to the end of the damn pier…..YOU’RE FISH FOOD DO YOU HEAR ME …FISH FOOD…PROBLEM SOLVED…SO WOULD YOU LIKE SOME MORE TEA?” it kills me to this day….she was dumbfounded but eventually caught up to the laughter of everyone else….no one had ever DARED speak to her like that before….and it actually did a whole lot of good…..this is the sister i am reminded of through your posts….lol…hope you enjoyed this even an iota as much as all of my family did.
Will catch up to you tomorrow
Namaste
Amakua
Good Day to You ML,
sorry if i went walkabout on ya yesterday….but there is just soooo much to your story and you havent’ even got started I’ll wager….wow….the thing that attracts me most is your story of the accident and “the voice”….everyone always says it’s you talking to you…but I for one don’t believe that….cuz “my voice”…was male as well and i am definitely not that. Another one of my personal coping skills…lol…no matter how bad I am…..atleast I’m not that…..whatever that might be at the particular moment….I may be nuts….but atleast I’m not mean….like that….more balance than just all the negatives…hehehe….
I’m not sure how to take your last comment….how did I help you??….that would be an accident I would like to see happen more often….don’t need to elucidate…have trouble accepting….that is probably all it is….people don’t often say such nice things to me….wasn’t sure how to handle it….that’s all….if we were together physically i would have just given you a big hug….but how here?…lol….a cyber hug?….well if there is such a thing…i’m sending you a great big one….Thank God for you.
I also have severe degenerative disc disease, amongst other muscular skeletal issues…lol…the list….the friggin’ list….am currently applying for disability myself….but can’t seem to get through the list…lmao…truth is I was given less than 6 months to live in December 2000. Doctors….pah….what do they know?…I always tell folks…if you want the truth….ask a nurse…lol…they’re a lot smarter than doctors will ever be….about people that is… but for me there are 12 vertebra that are compromised…the worst being the C4-5 and C5-6….which is what brought me here in the first place a few weeks ago….long story….but after everything else I had been dealing with on the personal level for the last few months…what broke me finally….in retrospect…thank God…but what broke me is when my left arm quit working altogether….no reflexes…nothing…but it’s about 60% now…thanks to these wonderful souls on this site…lol…they told me it was irreversible….the foramina had essentially closed….so how can it possibly be getting better?….got me….just glad it is….can’t imagine talking as much as I do with only one hand…lol
I get your history with men….have many similiar tales…and will listen to anything you would like to tell me….but I would also like to know sooo many more things about such a wonderful soul such as you…..we are close in age…i know that….but there is so much more you to know….what other issues do you deal with?….sensed the possibility of a bi-racial marriage or atleast a different sort of arrangement….could just be me….my daughter is bi-racial….whole other kettle of fish in Hooterville where we live…lmao
But seriously…what do you love….what moves you?….what are your beliefs?….i warn you I am a regular sponge here….lol…and I for one can’t friggin’ wait to read your first book….serious….personally wouldn’t want to attempt it myself….but….if you’re willing…i think you should write a book….i think it would be a novel idea….
Let me know if you get this message and want to talk….I’ll be lurking around here some place for most of the day…lol…
Again…a Blessing to have met you
Amakua
Hi Amakua, been out and about most of the day, my husband, (yup he’s black, from Nigeria, and I’m a white woman from Norwood, MA). let me take his car today, all the idiot lights…gas, engine, brake, tire pressure, windshiek washer, ABS, you name it came on yesterday on my van. So, yesterday that, plus my Mother, etc got the best of me…or maybe the worst, (I’l like to think the best of me is still here!)
Loved Nancy Rose’s solution for your grandmother…would really work for me, mine can’t swim a stroke. Also reminds me of horrible jokes about Christa McCaulif, Natalie Woods, etc. (insert a drowning victim here)…As they went into their last day, said “Honey you feed the kids, I’ll feed the fish.”
So, Amakua, my name is Mary Lou, but I do go by ML from close friends. I was thinking you were on this site as a “procter” type…ya know monitoring the suicidal, deciding when to call in the big guns, LOL…(guns…tacky, tacky and messy ML!)and let the cops track down the owner of the email addy! Now, from reading about you my guess is you found this site in a desperate moment.
Wow, we really do have a lot in common, also your sister, who sounds like a decent person. I was disabled in 1994 after being attack by a patient and herniating 3 discs…also now have Degenerative Disc Disease, DJD, as well as Fibromyalgia/Chronic Fatigue Syndrome. At the time I weighed 474 lbs, had gastric bypass, lost 300 pounds, began dating, met the wrong guys, trusted too easily, esp the Nazi…dude that is the scammer. A Boston Hosp had me in a publicity brochure, and during the photo shoot, a doc whipped a rubber pignose out of his labcoat pocket, I guess he felt it was ok to let me in on the secret (as I was now a normal size 10) that the gasrtric Bypass team thought obese people where “pigs.” This, too, can be “googled.” N.E.M.C., Boston, MA, My case made tabloids, was a joke on Jay Leno Show, etc. All the while the pshchologist at NEMC knew about my childhood abuse and why I’d gained the weight…to protect me from sexual abuse…no body likes a fat girl…LOL. that’s what my mind used as coping mechanism, and it worked. All the time though the shrink knew the staff had rubber pignoses, he even had one. So, to this day, not real trusting of therapists. He could have prevented the whole ‘pig nose fiasco. Oh, he also had me read a book called “The courage to Heal” regarding incest survivors. So, I know the name of my book to be…”The Courage to Squeal.” Get it, I went public and “squealed” on these doctors and made them accountable..pigs squeal.
Ok, so I am out of work, awaiting the NEMC lawsuit, go to Nantucket with the Nazi, AKA “Al,” we rent Vespa motor scooters, his idea not mine. At 11 am, I pull over on the side of the road, crying. He circles back…I was making him stay ahead of me, as I “knew’ they’d be an accident. He calms me down, we go for brunch, then back on the Vespas. At 1:30 pm a lady runs a stop sign, male voice tells me “to tuck and roll” I get hit, .People sit me up at the accident scene, then push me back onto the pavement. EMT’s arrive and do everything right. Stabilize my bac\k, neck, very obviously broken R leg and take me to “The Cottage Hospital.” Seriously, 24 beds, a freaking former cottage of so wealthy person. X Rays done, leg splinted, neck collar removed, told they’re discharging me back to a third floor walk-up Bed and Breakfast. I tell the Nazi to get me a med flight off the island, now it’s too foggy for one to land, so the hospital admits over night as a social admission…IE, PIA or Pain in the ass. Every good nurse wants her patients to pee, so all night long they’re turning me on and off bedpans as I am rigidly holding my neck that i know is broken, I heard the crack…(no collar) My friend, the Nazi goes back to the B& B, spends the night, uses my charge card for an $80. dinner, packs my clothes, drives my car home from the ferry dock(for 12 weeks.) takes my car to NYC, gets parking tickets and never tells me. Morning arrives, helicopter arrives, still no collar, fly over the Atlantic, me effin strapped to the stretcher, which is locked into the chopper floor. MD in chopper with me in full flight suit with parachute. If the chopper was going down he’ was gonna be outta there. Get to BI Medical center, Boston, told my neck is broken, have surgery, by now my vertebra are no longer just broken, they’ve disintegrated. Neck fused, some nerve damage. 12 weeks in a rehab hosp. finally get my car back, and suitcase…he stole my lingerie…kinky! Oh, did I mention I also had 2 broken ankles that were missed! Everyone kept telling me, it’s just referred pain from your neck and knee! LOL.. I always listen to my patients, still kills me how many people ignored me. Finally found the right orthopedic doctor…have had 14 surgeries, including Rotator cuff x3…twice on my Left, once the right. I feel your sisters pain, They can fix the tear, but not necessarily the pain.
Whew, getting tired talking about me…want to know more about you! What led you to this site, how did you learn to navigate it.? Not sure I like that my email address shows….have tried to hide it. Obviously what is written here is not private. so much for the first 3 chapters of my book! LOL. You are applying for disabliity, I have been very sucessful getting people approved…make sure you are detailed, mention every ass and elbow ache…LOL, keep track of your MD appointments, use a written calender, or really good online/word documentation. The more detailed you are, the less Soc,. Security need to do, and more believable your case. can always use an attorney, but try at least the first time on your own, and if rejected, then consider a lawyer. they can only take a certain percentage, and there is a max. cap.
Is there really a Hooterville? Where are you from, your spelling makes me feel you’re British/Irish/Indian?…honour, favourite, etc, or at least educated by the Brits…my husband uses the same spelling, terminolgy…”pensioned off.” But, then the name Amakua…well Aloha! You are a mystery woman. So you too, have had a male voice speak to you…hmmmm. When/why? Namaste…hmmm…Buddist / Yogi? I have a funny tale of being at a yoga center….another time. Biracial child…well that could mean just about any combo. I can’t wait for our world to be totally, beautifully mixed. I have a friend who has 4 mixed grandchildren.. PR/African Amer; PR/Guatemalan; White/Bolivian; White /Serbian…which I guess is white??? Plus two are PR/PR.
Feel free to answer any or none of my probbing questions! I, too feel as though I know you, maybe we are “kindred spirits”…a favorite term of mine…from Anne of Green Gables by Montgomery. Sorry for being so wordy…you can email me at mla1360@msn if you’d prefer. Seriously, just how public is this site?????? Thank you, for well, helping me realize that there was someone out there who read my words, got my sarcasm, and quite frankly somehow helped me see that there is a light at the end of the tunnel.. . I just wish the tunnel was a lot shorter! One last word on the Nazi, if you read the link about his arrest, he’s also posted on DDHG.com, or Don’t Date him Girl.com. By moi! Going out with a cousin to walmart, God, that’s a whole other world…really dirty store…much prefer Target….pronounced a la francais.
Amakua, I honor the spirit within you as well,
ML
OMG …welll hello mary lou…good bye heart…sweet mary lou i’m sooo in love with you..sure you get the point….but you don’t really…..last night before i came on the site….my boyfriend Jay…came to deliver smokes….and while we were pissing about on u tube…lol…ended up with that song…how i’ll never know….but i instantly started to laugh and cry all at the same time….seeeee….another long story…but i was a waitress for many years…and i had a neighbour and fellow employee named MaryLou…i used to sing it to her every morning through the back kitchen window…she was special needs for sure….but she was my sunshine for sure….God I loved that woman…and she would laugh like hell and smack me with a towel….lol…she had a really rough life…make yours seem like a walk in the park…ayup even mine….rough…real rough….but she never let it get her down…ever….she inspired me….amazing Grace….and you’ve brought her spirit and inspiration back to me….sorry…i digress…very emotional right now….sorry….she never had anything….she never asked for anything…she just always assumed she get what she needed….don’t know if she ever knew who was footing the bill….paying for her medications….buying the flowers for her boyfriends casket etc…and neither do I …but I want to meet that soul one day….they used my damn Mastercard…lmao….sorry…very emotional….and I got so wrapped up in the song when I heard it…so much so that my boyfriend just left…lol…and i listened to it twice more and i laughed and i cried and i laughed some more and then i ….well you get the picture….i broke…thank God…cuz i hadn’t heard that song in many years since my Mary Lou died…on the last day I sang it to her….a pleasure to meet her doppelganger….lol….you have done me soooo much good ma’am….lol…just what you need eh…another leech….but this one likes to share…i hope i can return the gift you have given me…some day….some how…but until then….i’ll keep trying….i promise
okay now…so as you see i’m a mess tonight….but now i gotta go blow off some steam…lol…sorry i couldn’t read your comment….couldn’t get past your name…and your emotion…and your spirit…but i promise to read it and catch you up….might take me a while though….i scanned and wow….but….i promise….you deserve my full attention…and i don’t have any…all emotion right now…thank you….feels good….
so stick around…keep working the site…you’re doing amazing things…just wait till they start coming back to you….wow…gonna blow you away…and if you run across a post full of idiots tonight…i will be holding court from my corner…a sniper for sure….it’s the damn sarcasm and irony….kills me…can’t help myself sometimes…..don’t be scared….check out the nuts….it can be fun here sometimes too…
I will comment tomorrow when I can focus on you….hey maybe i’ll catch you roaming the site….but tomorrow…
Thank you Mary Lou
A Gift for Sure
Amakua
Hey MaryLou,
So Sorry….got called bedside twice this week…the first was a hard one….not an excuse…just and explanation…..have been looking for you on the site….i don’t even really know you and yet I miss you….lol…was good to talk to you….hope you’re doing well…if you come back to this post….look me up…my post The Land Of Oz…will keep it up in some form….drop me a line….haven’t even answered your last questions….so sorry….my bad.
Hope to hear from you
Amakua