I don’t know if anybody else has ever had to hear this. My mother says this to me all the time and each time I fucking hear her say it all i want too do is fucking scream at her. Every time i make a simple mistake “Tune into life”, every time I’m moving slow “tune into life”, every time she fucking blames me for something that i had nothing to do with “tune into life”. Does she really think that that is good advice. Because I have tuned into life, that is the problem, i have always been tuned into life, i pay attention to the world around me, THAT’S THE FUCKING PROBLEM! I see how shitty life is around me, i see how much i hate everyone around me and how much they hate me, And i constanly see how great it would be if I wasn’t the one who was born. maybe he would have had a much better time than i did, maybe he would have come out just like her, and been stronger and smarter and just fucking happier. But know I;m the one we are all stuck with and that, that is what she wants me to tune into constantly. I understand the base of the sentance, if all it was was that she wants me to focus on things and not let them slip by that would be one thing. but the way she says it and the way she keeps hammering it in my brain make me think all these terrible things. But what would help most of all is if she would fucking understand that i am tuned in and maybe that the better option is for me tune it all out, just for a little while, just to get all of this out of my head so i could start with a fresh slate. So that is my point, maybe we all need to just tune it out for awhile. To any body who read this, thank you for reading the ramblings of a troubled youth who need to speak.
May we all find happiness,
M.C
2 comments
Hey livingone. I just wanted to let you know that tuning out is great but if you do it too often it consumes you and brings a whole new set of problems. I tune out too much. So much so that I forget what I’m doing part way through and wander off to do something else and can’t hold down a job. It sounds like you are really hurting over your being alive right now and have a lot on your plate. Maybe you could try to find some solace in volunteer work, give making a difference to someone else’s life a shot to help ground you in your own sense of self worth. I hope I don’t sound like I’m lecturing here! Thank you for your post 🙂
I’m an older adult and I have had to hear similar mess from my family over the years.
Being the younger male in the immediate I have to take care of a lot of errands, protection, lifiting, yardwork, etc.
First they complain about all the aspects fo life they participate in and then chastise me because I choose to be alone and not deal with people because of the same crap they complain about.
And the fact that I do not need anyone trying to tell me to get treatment for my disease, I;’ll probably be dead before it kills me but hopefully it takes me away very soon. Will save me the trouble.