It’s a long time

…since I wrote on a forum like this. It’s a long-time since I’ve been so bad.

And I’m crying my eyes out writing this. I’ve been on medication for 10 years now. After every good patch, I think I’m managing. I know I’ll die taking these drugs, but I think I’m settled. May be I’ll be ok now. May be I can do the things I’ve always wanted to. May be I can actually plan my life. Have goals and ambitions, without worrying that I will have to disappear to my room for months. And not emerge.

Im so stuck, I don’t know how to get out of the way I’m feeling. I can’t do anything. I lie here. Nothing works for me. All my insecurities are back. I can’t write just now. It’s too hard. I wish I had my friend.