My quest for perfection is finally starting to destroy me. I’ve been caught up in the staunch objectivity of school- the only thing I care about is my future academic career. I’ve always been an above average student in terms of sports and academics, but now I feel like its all coming to nothing- I care too much; but I don’t want to care, I don’t want the pressure of having to achieve and do well in life.
The most blissful moments of life are those moments in which you simply don’t care. I just want to sit back and accept what I seemingly have no control over- but I can’t. I’ve never achieved that true sense of apathy.
Its not that I don’t care, its the fact that I don’t want to care. I’ve been close but always too far away. Things haven’t been working out for a long time and I think its time to go.
The people around me are liars, and so am I. We all lie to each other in vicious never ending cycle. Reveling when we uncover a lie, knowing that we’re doing better then them. But it’s all temporary, it never lasts, and I can’t take much more of it.
I’ve always been a nice person on the outside, but deep down I’m something else.
I think that when all hope is truly lost and when my mind can’t conjure up false hope, suicide will come unbidden.
5 comments
break out of the cycle
everything is perfect at a distance. perfection is a lonely idea.
between glorious dreams of perfection and apathy there is real life, and perhaps a nap?
nothing lasts not even nothing.
Change your definition of perfection…true success is joy in your heart, love in your heart…feeling that is perfection. You’re a human being not a human doing. By what and who’s standards are you assessing what is perfect? Life is not that serious unless you allow it to be. Lighten up!
There is no cycle. I’m not in a rut, I exercise a lot and I’m in good shape. It’s not about the lack of activity in my life. It’s the lack of everything else.
cycle…was that a joke about a bicyle and exercising? hardy har if so.
Exercising a lot can be an obsessive drive for perfection. As Softsoul says… a human beeing, and feeling not only doing.
To Be Is To Do, To Do is To Be, Do Be Do Be Do (sinatra is the last one, the first two bits are from philosphers whose names I do not know)
balance. do/be something stupid or silly, take a nap , own up to being imperfect – anyone paying attention knows it anyway