i’m just tired. i literally came today to a point where i wanted to seriously die. i kept trying to hold my tears back. and i was frusstrated.
i haven’t cut myself in 4 years but today i cut my arm to remember that feeling. the feeling that calms me down.
i spend my teenage years babysitting
monday/tuesday: Â Â Â 9am-10pm
wednesday: Â Â 9am-5pm
friday: Â Â 2pm-10pm
saturday/sunday: Â Â Â 9am-5pm.
babysitting a baby with down syndrome, a 2 year old and a 9 year old isn’t easy. Â sometimes even other kids.
i never have time for myself.. not even for a simple hang out with a friend. my mom always has me running errands or buying groceries or babysitting. i’m homeschooled. i spend almost EVERYDAY locked inside my house babysitting. the other times i do favors for my mom. i literally have no life.
my dad asked me to help him with work and today i woke up at 6am and i didn’t get home till 7:30pm. i’ve been helping him for a good while since now i’m homeschooled.
Iask for ONE day off babysitting so i can hang out with a friend that wants to see me from 4 hours away & asked my dad if he could babysit my brothers(his sons) for me… and he comes to me with ” you’re going to get laid by him? tell him he’s wasting his gas and to not even come.”
that was just disrespectful and that’s what made me cut myself.
my parents are divorced. it hurt me when it first happened.
i got over it and now i try to get along with them. but i just can’t. no matter how much i give up for them they don’t see me anything other than a babysitter and a helper for work.
i cut myself because after SO much i do for them , they can’t even let me have some freedom.
i just want them to try and be in my place. im too young to be feeling like i have to be a stay at home mom.
i feel like i’m wasting my teenage years.
i wish i could run away or something.
they don’t even feel like parents to me to be honest.
it seems more like i’m their employee and they are my boss.
my mom tells me when i have to babysit. she also gives me new kids to babysit.
my dad tells me when i have to go to work with him.
when can i be free ? or atleast when can they start understanding me ?
i don’t turn 18 till next year. but who will babysit my brothers?
i suppose my dad could but he can’t even stand kids.
he says my baby brother with down syndrome is always annoying and never lets him get anything done.
my dad HAS to take care of the kids twice a month.
COMPARE 2 DAYS A MONTH where to i have to babysit 6 days a week.
he can’t put himself in my shoes?
i need help.. something to relieve my stress, get my mind off things. anything… any helpful advice.
i really feel like i am about to explode.