alone

I hate being alone..I always sit and wonder if its just me. I don’t like being alone, because sometimes, I’m just afraid of myself. I’m afraid that I’ll hurt myself, or cut. I’m very lucky to have a wonderful boyfriend who understands, and stays with me so I’m not alone, but even then, he needs to go home sometimes, and he needs to see his friends. But every time he leaves, I get mad. I get mad because I don’t want him to leave. I don’t want him to leave me alone with this demon that I have become. When he leaves, and goes out with his friends, everything  just turns bad. I don’t know what to do, and in the end, usually end up hurting myself. I’ll think about suicide, and cut,and sit and cry and cry and cry. I wake up in the morning with writing on the walls saying “help me” and “kill me”, and I don’t even remember doing it. I think there is something seriously wrong with me, but I feel like I have no one to talk to, not even him. Is there anyone out there, who is like me in anyway? I just need someone to understand.