Everything.

My story isn’t this huge story that will make everyone teary-eyed ,a and have people wanting to feel sorry for me everywhere . No , im just a 14 year old girl w/ a fucked up life . But my story is real , and it means something to me that someone just read it and actually hear what i’ve been through . I need more faith in myself ,  i  talk back to my  parents too much ,  i want to cry right now , i pretend everything’s okay when it’s really not ,  i just can’t seem to understand math ,i am a big procrastinator , i just want my old friends back , i deserve so much more than i recieve , i will forever be lazy , i wish i had someone to talk to about everything , i cant dance -_- , i laugh at everything , i feel like im missing out on my entire teenage life , i hate my school , i never take my own advice , i push everyone away , school stresses me out , im bipolar , i worry too much , i’ve made too many bad deceisions . I am a victim of bullying and have been teased my whole life , im so insecure because of that i always judge myself and tell myself im ugly and everything i was told i believed i ahed myself and i hated god for putting me through that , i cried everynight and asked myself why , why me , why do i have to feel this much pain . i would rock myself to sleepm and just think i wanna die , what would happen if my life ended to day , and other suicidal thoughts . that happened to me all the way up untill the 8th grade , thats a part of my life i barely tell people . My realtionship with my parents really sucks , my mother is really annoying and evil and im super embarressed of her whore like behaviour she flirts with everyone and constantly has abortions , she also likes to get mad at me and my siblings and sa we are the worst , she wishes she never had us and she should just beat us that really hurts me and i dont think she gets it , i try so hard to please her and stay out of her way and she always manages to hur me , its gotten so bad to where i dont speak to anyone in my house i lock myself in my room , and barely eat . I really hate that it has to be that way , but i just cant be around my mother . i really dont see a reason to live anymore , but i would never kill myself im just a very depressed im sad mre than happy and i  no longer feel like a teen . I have so much pressure put on me , and i miss my dad i told him i didnt want to speak to him but that was just out of anger , and no hes far away and hates me he doesnt care about me anymore and although i try to brush it off i often find myself thinking about it and wondering if things will get better , well i’ve wrote alot and im not even sure anyone will read this im just glad i got it off my chest .