Expressing myself on here has been really helpful. Â I am able to get this all out. Â And maybe if I do go, there will be a record of my thoughts and feelings, explaining. Â I don’t write good suicide notes. Â They always come out with apologies and don’t blame each other’s and whatever else comes to mind. Â But here, I can let the words flow and I can talk to people who understand. Â I really don’t want to die. Â And hopefully that will be enough to live. Â But right here and right now I don’t know whether I can stop myself. Â So I am pouring my heart out so you can read and get to know me. Â I’m not the type of girl to do this. Â It’s not something you’d expect. Â But when you see the cuts on my arms and legs, the truths in my eyes just look like lies. Â I can’t be trusted because I can’t trust myself. Â And I swear and I promise to my doctors that I am okay, that I can handle it…but how well am I handling this? Â Not so grand. Â At least you are here and I am here and nothing has happened to us yet. Â I just wish my mind, body, and soul could co-align and I could live a life to be proud of. Â I’m not proud of the way I am living right now. Â Everything is backwards and upside down.