I can’t work. I can’t do anything at all. All I can do is think of death. My death. I wish these thoughts would just leave me alone. I am trying to do my work. Why can’t they just leave me be? I want to succeed. I want to do well. But all I can think about is dying. Why can I only think of dying?? I won’t get anywhere like this except farther into nowhere. I need to stop these thoughts, but I don’t know how. My mind and my body keep telling me to die, but my heart and my soul want me to keep thriving. I am stuck in a tug of war with everything in me and I just don’t know what to do with myself. I need to do my work. Why won’t it let me do that? Is that really so much to ask? I am so disappointed in myself. All I want to do is achieve but all my body is doing is slowly destroying itself until nothing is left.
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2 comments
hey sparkeyes .. you said:
“I wish these thoughts would just leave me alone”
“My mind and my body keep telling me to die, but my heart and my soul want me to keep thriving”
I could relate to this like 3-4 weeks ago .. right now, you’re at the bottom of this black hole called depression .. negative thoughts are very intense & way intrusive ..
you have to force yourself into doing anything, even getting out of bed .. life is a b-tch because while you struggle every day to find reasons to keep enduring this torture, people in your entourage seem to have it easy
BUT: I believe the evolution of depression follows a U-shape and since you’re at the lowest point of the ‘U’, you can only go up .. it will happen .. hang in there
“I want to succeed. I want to do well.”
Where there is a want, there is often success. Keep your goals in mind… Strive toward them. truthbetold mentioned the U-shape and that’s a good analogy… You will reach a point where you can only go up.