“And I swear at that moment, we were infinite”
Is my favorite quote from my favorite book Perks of being a wallflower.
I must have read that book a thousand times, it always use to help me when I felt down, and I had a lot of favorite quotes from the book, that’s myÂ absoluteÂ favorite, because I think we’ve all felt infinite at one point or another.
One time I felt like that, is on Halloween when I was really little and I was trick or treating, and I saw the moon and it was big and full and I couldn’t stop staring at it because I thought it was perfect, the full moon on Halloween. And it made me so happy. Now, that little thing wouldn’t make me happy or bother me at all, it really wouldn’t have an effect on me. But at the time, it was really nice.
Like, when I use to go to the museum of Natural history a lot with my mom. I was also really young, and everything seems so huge at that age. But now if I go back, and I see everything it wouldn’t have an effect on me. I would know it was amazing, but I really wouldn’t care anymore if that makes sense.
Now, I sit alone and I think about death a lot. I told my mom I was feeling suicidal and she was angry, but I know she meant well. She also cried once. There are many things that happened this year that I couldn’t take, they really wore me out I guess you can say. And last night, I spent a lot of time crying after my mom went to bed and myÂ brother, not loudly just in my room, and I thought about suicide and how easy it was to just leave. And I felt really happy thinking about that.
I’ve lost friends, I’ve lost the one thing I truly needed most, I can tell people are tired of me, the few people I had. And at night sometimes I look out the window, and I think about the last time I felt infinite, and if it will ever happen againn.
But I don’t think so.