i am really freaking out. Â i can’t stop myself. Â it’s taking over all day and it’s just getting worse and worse and spreading and taking over my body. Â i feel like it’s happening, the inevitable self destruction i’ve been worried about. Â i can’t tell my friend because he has gone through too much with me. Â and i am so scared of telling my doctor. Â what if i get the impulse and i go too far. Â at this point its possible. Â what do i do?
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You shouldn’t be scared of telling your doctor. This is a very common problem and they deal with these sorts of cases all the time. They are not only the best people to talk to, they are the only ones who are really going to help.
she’ll hospitalize me i know it!
I know how that feels. But the best thing to do is tell. Even if your hospitalized. This is dangerous really it is. I’ve been doing it for 2 years. The best thing to do is reach out. Yes it’s scary to tell someone but in the end you feel great relief. You also have to find coping skills and people you can trust. It’s difficult but you are strong enough to fight this off!
i agree it’s the right thing to do, but my mind is so stuck on staying in school that i am willing to do the wrong thing. that sounds so terrible, but i have to get this degree. and i’ve already lost 2 semesters to hospitalization. but i am so scared. I’ve never felt so totally out of control
I havnt read all of your comments and posts because I have been at work and then realised I had been sober for 7 days which was a new record so I celebrated my abstinence by getting drunk. The irony of it all. Plus you do write a lot.
When did these feelings start to worsen?
They’ve been bad for 3 weeks now. I started having impulses to kill myself with pills and went through this whole period of trying to stop myself but it got the better of me and I ODed. and now I am home and yesterday i started wanting to cut and took the blade out of a pencil sharpener. and now it’s taken over and i can’t stop cutting. and i’m totally freaking out. and i don’t know what to do. and my invasive images of cuts all over my body are getting worse and worse and I am completely obsessed with suicide and have no idea whether i can keep this together. i’m bursting at the seams
Perhaps your medication is ineffective. Talk to your lecturers. They will understand. Try and get a doctors note which might allow you to claim extenuating circumstances which will allow you to defer. I’m from the UK and I don’t know what the procedure is in the US.
It sounds like this is a red alert situation. Just put your studies to one side at the moment. It sounds as though you are just not fit enough to continue whilst in this state. I know that you are under a lot of pressure. Stay calm and we will find a solution. I promise.
Here in the US, Duke, many colleges and universities will work with the student when extenuating circumstances develop… If the college/university and the faculty don’t know about it, they can’t assist. Letting them know is an important step.
sparkeyes, take a deep breath. Collect your thoughts. Duke of Marmalade and Lilbit’ have offered some good insight. You will get through this… through communication with those around you and a spirit of determination.
I don’t want to lose school. I know i sound petty and I know I sound stubborn but I just can’t do it a third time. I don’t know how I’d ever get back far round 4. My teachers are working with me so far but I am just really getting in over my head. My mom doesn’t believe that I need to be in the hospital and I am not going to do that and lose all of her pride in me and all of her pride in my education. I have to do this but I have to stop hurting myself and I can’t. I just can’t. And I have a doctors appointment on Friday and I am sooo scared of what is going to happen. and I just feel like I’m going to fall apart
At your doctors appointment on Friday, please be honest… The resources can work so much better if all the information is gathered efficiently. I know how important school is to you… and I understand the importance of your mother’s pride. The most important thing, above ALL else, is your health. Without your health, school and your mother’s pride don’t apply. Please take care of yourself… Put yourself first… and pledge to do whatever it takes to help you move forward in a healthy way.
I don’t know what to say distant.road. I’m scared of the honest truth, and even more scared of what the doctor will say. The truth is really really ugly and I’ve only told parts to different people, not even everything to any one person. It’s so hard and scary to put all together and try and process. I will try….but that face comes on so easy, that quick composure. And I want this weekend to be wonderful, not stuck in another hospital. But I know you are right. I know lilbit’ was right. I need to tell the truth I just don’t know if I can muster it in me
Your mum does not understand depression. It is not something you can just snap out of. It would hurt her far more to know what you are doing to yourself than your academic failure. There is a way you can salvage your degree. Look at me, I pulled it out of the fire many times. They said I would never get a job, yet I got one within 3 weeks of leaving. Loss of form is temporary, class is permanent. I have absolutely no doubt you will succeed. For the moment take a step back, collect yourself and re-group. In chess, sometimes the correct move is to retreat, instead of an attacking move which could be detrimental in the long term.
She understands…she just doesn’t want to believe it, that i am suicidal. I really hope I don’t have to retreat, but I am seriously getting there. Thank you for your advice, really. I feel so much better with people to talk to. Good for you for getting your job.
What do you study?
I’m studying anthropology with the hopes of becoming a full-time Museum Educator
Hmmm
I am unlikely to be of any assistance but I might have access to data basses that you don’t if you ever need any research materials.
Is it mainly coursework or exams.
Are you still there?
It’s late but I will stay online for a little longer if you want to talk about anything.
I’m here now. I don’t know what time it is over there. It’s about 9 at night here. I’m a little calmer…..
Im sorry if I missed you.