Returning Helplessness.

In the summer of 2011, I reached the point where I was ready to attempt suicide. In september, I overdosed on pills, but not nearly enough to do the damage I needed. I came from from the psychiatric hospital after a week, and the day I was back my heart was shattered to pieces by the guy I loved. It took me nearly 6 months to ever feel like I was getting better. I went through heartbreak, the loss of a best friend, eating disorders and the guilt that my family put on me. Now, after talking to the guy that broke my heart, I have been triggered back to that state of mind. Its much harder for me to commit suicide now. I can’t even stand the idea of surviving another attempt. I don’t want to try again. I want to believe things will get better but all the research I’ve done says it won’t. Now I’m desperately praying every night to never wake up. I’m tired of everything. No one will ever love me. I’ve always been a dissapointment, I have no future and I will never be anyone of importance. My friends and family are increasingly becoming not enough to keep me alive.