Suicide wont make it stop

Sure, you’ll be dead. You’ll never feel anything again. There’s only one reason why suicide is not the answer.

It’s going to sound cliche, and if you’re reading this you’ve probably read this elsewhere a million times.

It gets better.

I know how utterly hopeless things may seem. You feel like happiness is an emotion that you’ll never be able to feel again. You may feel like you don’t even want to get better, and that hopelessness is the only thing that you know now. But it’s not true, and deep down inside you know it.

My best friend committed suicide. He didn’t tell me. He didn’t even seem depressed. He just did it, and left an angry note behind explaining how his parents failed him, and he’s felt that way forever.

There were so many questions left unanswered, and I felt guilty. I felt like I failed him as a friend. And before I knew it, I let the guilt consume me. Everyday I would wake up in the morning wishing I wasn’t such a piece of shit. I would go to bed at night wishing that I would never wake up. It just seemed so nice to put an end to that hopeless reality I was living in.

Things got worse before they got better. The first time was my closest time. I should have died, but I’m still here. That wasn’t enough motivation to stop me though. I kept trying until one day, I knew it was it. I could feel it. I was calm, relaxed, and ready. I was leaving the house when my little brother went up to me and hugged me and said, “I hope you have a good day today!”. I went in my car and cried my eyes out. I would just leave him behind like the rest of the people that I loved. I still needed to make a decision, so I enrolled myself into a mental hospital. Something needed to change, because I couldn’t do what I was doing anymore.

I got better. I found meaning in life again. Sure, everything isn’t a fairytale, but it never was to begin with. I’m content. I accepted that I’ll never see my best friend again. I slowly started to forgive myself, and I started doing things with my life again.

It may sound like this will never happen for you, but it will. You can be happy again, all you have to do is try. It’s hard, I’m not going to sugarcoat it. And it wont always necessarily be that way for every moment in your life.

You are a human being. You are worth so much more than you take in account for. To be able to walk this earth, and be conscious and understanding of what is going on around you, and to feel the complex emotions that you do is so lucky.

By ending it, you’re throwing out all of the good times. Not just the ones that you’ve already experienced, but the ones that you’ve yet to have.

And don’t think it’ll make the pain stop, because it’ll do just the opposite. Anyone, who ever gave any kind of fuck about you will be ruined. You’ll pass the pain onto all of your loved ones who are left behind.

I’ll never be the same as I was a year and a half ago. That old me died with my friend. I wouldn’t wish that pain on anyone.

Live the fucking shit out of your life. Have the greatest time you can possibly have. You have the option to still.

Tell somebody. Get help. Recover. Go back to enjoying your life, with even more appreciation. It will work, if you want it to.