Can’t concentrate. Can’t concentrate since I saw you today. Since you asked me if I was coming, since I said “noâ€. I felt so horrible. I said “noâ€, but my heart screamed out loud “yes, of course!”. Unfortunately you couldn’t hear my heart screaming and beating loud. Unfortunately I wasn’t able to say anything else, then “noâ€. Unfortunately I couldn’t lie to you, because I never lie intentionally to you.
My thoughts were racing to fast for me…â€why are you not coming? Because she will go there to! Yeah but don’t you want to be around her? Of course I want so badly to be around her! So why don’t you go there? Because she will break my heart into thousand pieces again and again and again. Didn’t she cut every connection to you? Yeah she did nearly, as I did once! Why can’t you let her go? If she is around I feel so strong, good, great and amazing! No one else can make you feel this way? NO! It looks like you have a lot of reasons to come? But I can’t, because nearly nothing can satisfy my wish to be around her all day and night long!â€
So I called someone who may could help me. Â Helping making the decision of coming or letting her go. The result was: No one can help you making this decision. You have to make it on your own and alone!
So uncertain what to do, so unsure what to do. No one can help me, have to get myself on my own out of it. So what to do? I try to keep calm and remember my time with you. In the end, I wasn’t able to make a final decision. I can still turn around and go with you, but it looks like I am too weak.
Too weak to rescue my last friendship I have. My weakness is my loneliness. Weakness is loneliness. My face was shivering. My whole body was shivering when I spoke to you today. You recognized me shivering, didn’t you?. Where are you now? Why aren’t you online? Did you cut the last connection between us? Please, don’t do this. Don’t do it. Don’t leave me here alone with myself, because I will drown in myself. Drowning is such a horrible death.