Back to those thoughts.

My Last post was “The Ugly Duckling”. That was in the Beginning of April. For the first few weeks things have gotten better. I haven’t thought of suicide, I was really happy, but then yesterday i feel like things changed. All just for this stupid comment this guy said. Then the suicide thoughts came back. I was talking to my friend and i said, “this is the first bad comments i ever gotten on my report card”. this guy turned around towards me and said “oh this is your first bad comment? is it about your hair?” Then everyone started laughing. Because this one simple stupid comment he said about me, now have me thinking of suicide all over again. Why though? It’s like ever since he said that, i just been thinking of how ugly i actually am, how no one will never like me just all the thoughts are coming back. Then College has been on my mind and i just dont even think i want to go anymore, i really wanted to be an art teacher, badly. But, that doesnt look like it’s going to happen. My art teacher told me my art sucks. and that made me more sad. So i decided to not go to college. Im thinking about just leaving the united states and moving to Canada. or just anywhere but here, without telling nobody at all. Just go away, try to find a better life, if that even exists. And if it doesn’t then ill just go to solution number two. I wish i had friends, i feel like they all just use me in some sort of way. I dont know, i just think it’s sad that one rude comment, can change my whole mind back to thoughts i didnt want. Oh well. it was fun while it lasted. Prom is this week, and thats also when i get my makeover, lets see if anything changes, or if ill just be ugly still.