I know that I am crazy and it makes me feel crazier. Today was supposed to be a happy day where my mom and I would go dorm room shopping for supplies. I went in with a clear vision of my future. For anyone that may not have read my other posts, college is my chance to escape everything. I have been suicidal throughout my entire life and college is a chance to put some space in between my family and myself to hopefully focus on fixing myself.
The shopping trip went to shit when my mom kept negating or changing all my dorm ideas and slowly I became more and more overwhelmed. Fast forward to us returning home and my brother was hounding me for crying, my mom was annoyed by my tears, and my dad berated me for being crazy and a stuck up ***** for being upset.
And that’s just it. Having other people point out that I’m crazy (which I already know) makes me feel worse. It’s like other people can see it too. It’s like the facade I wear on a daily basis is just a sham and that people can actually see how crazy I am. It kills me.
I just want to escape. And something’s escape is college. Sometimes escape is suicide. I’m always stuck in this vortex of ideas in my head that seem jumbled and all wrong
5 comments
You are not crazy.
Yeah I know, the voice in your head just disagreed with me, but…
YOU are not crazy.
I have written 5 posts on here to help you understand what’s going on.
Please search for them and read them, let me know what you think.
They are called;
the Voice
the Black Velvet Curtain
the Mentor
the Children of Earth
the Symptom Bearer
Peace
everything is relative
maybe some day you’ll interact with a person who understands how you operate, react to different situations without condemning your behavior .. if this were to happen, you’d feel a lot less guilty about being the way you are
hopefully you’ll encounter that type of person
I have that person and she is trying to calm me down. It just doesn’t help to hear that my parents are the ones who are crazy. Well, they aren’t crazy, they have their own problems and gave me a horrible environment to live in growing up, but they aren’t crazy.
Your not crazy. You deserve to have your dorm the way you want. Your mom is probably just upset about you leaving and wants you to be her little baby again. Siblings tease for everything. You were upset you cried. Its natural. Go to college and get happy. Its good you have a plan. You really aren’t crazy. You don’t have crazy spas attacks and have to be strapped to your bed. You don’t hear things or see the future or something. Your a human who has had it rough and has a plan to make yourself better. Your amazing. Fierce Love<3
I know how you feel.I’m crazy but to hear It from my mom made me cry.qoinq to the univesity of Florida Is my escape to!I’m qoinq to party my face off and pass!