Well hi. This is my first post here. It’s now 00:50, I sit here unable to clear my thoughts or even control them. And this next thing sounds horrible because I am generally a happy person but, I just want to hurt myself so bad right now. I don’t know why. I feel bad for being me. I don’t generally do much right. Although it seems when I do something right I’m put down by my friends. I just feel sorry for my existence lately. I try to pick myself up and keep my thoughts positive but for the past few months I just have been unbelievably down in the dumps and to be honest, suicide has been and is an option that keeps running through my mind. I always thought that I was a pretty regular girl who is very easy going. I certainly portray that and on a good day I am, but good days seem to be becoming less and less. I even ruined the two weeks of holidays I had off school by getting drunk and suddenly flipping out and hysterically crying and screaming about a lot of stuff. My friends are now very worried. They have never seen me like that! I don’t want there help, I don’t want to burden them. Is there actually something wrong with me? My “friends” seem to think so. They think I’ve gone out of control (I have not!), and they want to “help” but they’re not ( By Going behind my back and talking to all my other friends and my ex boyfriend and giving out about me!) , they’re making me spiral downwards. So I ask again is there something wrong with me?
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4 comments
Nothing will be ever wrong with you, you are who you are, and sometimes we all need to get out of control and to flip out. I am actually in kinda of the same problem as you are. So if you need some one to relate to you can email more or something ?
my email is ilyzamora@gmail.com
Sort like what i.Zamora says….from another angle…There is something wrong with every last one of us. Hamlet wanted to ‘shuffle loose this mortal coil” or something like that….get out of his skin, escape the pain of life and conscious mortality.
Sure maybe you were just letting off some steam or experimenting with being out of control and it could be something more too.
What were you ‘flipping out about” when you were drunk? Drinking lowers inhibitions so what is it that you allowed yourself to rant about when you drank? Something you are too scared to admit when not drunk? Whatever it is drinking won’t help and if you can learn from the experience the burden of life and living will be lightened for a while in a way that no drug can emmulate for long.
Thanks for the comments guys.
@i.Zamora Thanks. I get what your saying, the ups and downs are just so tiring though, and I have not had a flip out like that ever. I know people say it’s good to get things off your chest, it’s just it never helps me. Infact this time it made everything a lot worse. As I said though thank you for your time and your email. 🙂
@MyTooSense Thank you also. I think I can empathize with Hamlet on that one. As for my “flipping out”, it consisted off crying, screaming and just how everything was becoming too much, how i felt i couldn’t breathe anymore, and along with this how it seems I can’t move without hurting someone or upsetting my loved ones. I allowed myself to say that “I would rather be dead”. (My inhibitions were lowered, my barriers went down). It’s such a long story but I think staying away from certain triggers (aka certain people), and of course being careful about my alcohol intake. I realise that alcohol doesn’t help, i go out to enjoy myself, drink is just something that enhances the experience (usually). Anyway sorry for going on, but thank you for the words of wisdom. I’ll do my best to take them on board. 🙂