I’m done with this. </3 Life is pointless. Absolutely…

I tried thinking positively, but then I feel passionate about my cousin and guess what? I can’t see her anymore and her mom got into a big arguement with my dad with her brother telling me we might not see each other anymore forever. Freaked me out. I’m worried he’s right. If he is, then I’m done….

I have wanted to resort to suicide for a while, but I’m all talk and no do. Sadly, that means my death is not going to happen. What am I looking forward to? Getting high off weed in a week or so? Then what?

I’ll be getting high alone, trying to entertain myself as usual. We have internet now at my dad’s house, hopefully he can give me the password. 

Joining the army in a year and a half is too far away. I won’t make it till then. My life is worthless. I have no job experience, never having a job, and am lazy with very low motivation. How will I survive in the real world. Probably become 40 living with my parents. That’s the best my future will get. Brainwashing me in the army. I hope it’s true, it’s better not being myself than the former. 

I’m done with life, have no reason. I thought I was happy again at the beginning of the week. Suddenly I became more and more depressed and irritable especially after 4/20. 

I’m irritated by everything. *sigh* What am I going to do? Suicide, is my main choice. How can I get through life without the ability to commit to things nor can I motivate myself to do anything? Also my mind has been clouded by shit in life. From gory pictures that traumatize me, to becoming a cynic. My views are obscured and I can’t change them back. I’m stuck hating everyone thinking that they are evil. Which isn’t far from the truth. I love Jasmine so much. But I guess I gotta go back to saying “Fuck Love </3". Since all it's done is screw me up.