My struggle

Hello,

I came here after watching a video on TED: http://www.ted.com/talks/jd_schramm.html

Personally, I don’t think talking to people helps. Quite simply because they do not know what to do, not that they don’t care. Also, here is my personal story: I first considered taking the fall five years ago and then again this year. Here is what I found. I never ever gave myself some time and respect that I always did to others. I do not know where this came from, but that is what I always did. Put everything before me, everytime. I also have a nicotine addiction which, ironically, is what has kept me going through. So here is what I have decided. Take a few months off to understand who I am, what I want and also to quit smoking. Once that is done start playing tennis. Get a job and reintegrate back into society!

Some of this that helped me along the way:
1. This documentary on BBC where mathematicians took their own lives unable to find the answers they were looking for: http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=-5122859998068380459
2. Keeping a good company. This is by far had the worst effect on me. You need to choose your company very very very carefully. The wrong ones make it a point to make you feel like hell all the time.
3. My parents. I have always felt no matter what I do, it is never good enough! That in turn made me feel no good. They had the same effect on my brother who attempted suicide twice!

Now that I have realized all this I am taking some time off to learn to handle this.

Some pointers that I found for myself.

1. Never put your trust/emotions too much into anything or anyone.
2. Everyone has their own battles to fight and react the way they do based on their understanding of the world. You are not responsible for those reactions. If you do not like it, stay away. If you do like it hang out with them.
3. Find your own personal GOD. He/She is the only one you can truly depend on in critical times. If you feel that life is being unfair to you now, try and look for times when it was fair to you. If you cannot find one it is just that you are not looking hard enough.

And always remember life is journey. It ends the day you die. Till then troubles and triumphs will be a part of it. Open yourself up to learn to handle them.

Do leave me a message if you need someone to talk to.

Hope that this helps!

Wish you all the best.