Think Twice

Okay so here i am what people thought was a normal goody two shoes 13 year old.But really i was so much less then normal.At school people picked on me and talked about me behind my back. I was getting really frustrated with it so i decided that enough was enough.I felt bad about my self and all of my self-confidence was gone I thought i was uber fat and ugly. I started cutting my self and that was a way of taking all of the anger and sadness away but that was not enough to satisfy what i thought was my need to fit in I was left out on a regular basis even by my friends. Then at school I started to sit beside Hannah she became my “life line” i guess i coud talk to her about anything and everything. We started to become more and more closer to each other.
Then we got a seating arrangement and i started to sit beside Connor and across from Hannah.I hid the cut marks and started to get allergic reactions from eating veggie crackers and from scratching the cuts. In health class we were starting on suicide and drugs and i really don’t know what happened but i started to fell more out of it. I guess that all of the talk about suicide just kind of put me on edge i think. My friends started to get worried about me but i sort of kept the suicide thing to my slef because i was not going to go and have a talk with a mental doctor. I started to take advil and the first time i took it the oain went away really fast and every time i needed moreto get ridde of the pain. Then i got the worst idea in my life over dose so much that you will die in your sleep. Hannah started to get more and moer worried about me and one of my other fiends called my mom to tell her what I had contimplated doing to myslef. Luckily to me shewas not home and i deleted the message from the machine.
Hannah would come over to my desk and as me what was wrong and I woud just reply “nothing” Hannah did not believe that one bit. She started to send me notes during class to try and get me to tell her but i would not budge nothing was going to be told…yet.I did not think that she couldhandel the truth about what was really happening. Then I started to hurt my self on purpose so i would be in the hospital and not at school or home. to me those were the worst 2 places to be in in my situation at that time. I really wanted to hurt mydef bad i tried to purposely break my arm and leg because cutting yslef was not working to satisfiyme anymore. I ended up fracturing my arm and once that healed i set my finger on fire and once that healed i fell backwards out of a tree and got a concussion.All of these were on purpose.
My parents started to fight over me and my sister. i decided cutting myself would heal that big empty hole where your parents are supposed to be there for you, it did at first but not for long. Back on to the pain killers i go.It was like world war 3 and 4 at my house every night i wanted to stay at schoool for once mabey miss my bus.
I still have not totally solved my problem but it s going ok…