Well

I’m new to the site (obviously) Been lurking around here for quite a while though. I don’t know why, Guess knowing  I’m not the only one feeling fucking miserable is comforting for me.

I’ve been suicidal for as long as I can really remember.  I guess the only reason why I haven’t killed myself already is that I don’t know  how my family would react. Don’t really want them to feel bad… Then again, They might be glad I’m gone. I don’t really care anymore honestly. They don’t pay any attention to me anymore…

I plan on killing myself tomorrow…But looking back, I’ve said that so many times now. Tried it a few times also. Once I tried hanging myself…But I couldn’t tie a noose to save my life. So that didn’t work…Then, I stabbed myself in the chest. Lost a lot of blood and spent a week in the hospital, Still alive though. And then hoping third times the charm, I shot myself with my brother’s handgun…Bullet split into 3 parts in my chest and was a few inches away from my lung. And that didn’t kill me either….Guess I just stopped trying after that. Guess all the suicidal contemplating all started when I was around 14. I lost my best friend in a car accident, It hurt badly. I felt empty. Then it just kept happening. People just kept dying. Whether it be, Friends, Family members, Girlfriends. Whatever.  Lost around 20 people in that short span of 4 years. Something inside me hasn’t been the same since then..It just snapped. People say it gets better. I deeply hope they’re right.

Now the question is “Why?”  Why am I on this website, Pouring my mind out on this website? …And the answer to that question is; I don’t really know. Sure there’s more reasons the way I feel like I do…I just don’t want to waste anyone’s time anymore

– Memitim/Nate