Not knowing were to turn is a heavy burden. Should I turn left, or right? Life was good for me but since this year everything has went downhill. Not knowing how to get rid of all of my excess pain I do drugs, drink liquor, starve my self, cut my self, and most of the time get ready to commit suicide. I don’t know why everything has been bad for me this past year, sometimes I think its karma but my whole life I’ve always put other in front of me and have done everything in my will power to help people. Other times I think that its a sign that life is not going to be good to me in the future so I might as well end it now. Sometimes I want to live just to see if I can make it in life and prove everybody wrong. But most of the time I get this strong knowing that Im not going to make it like everybody says I wont and I think of the easiest way out of life and get ready to do it.
Getting ready to put my head in the rope, or getting ready to down a two whole bottles of pills. I’m always stopping at the last step of everything. Just doing it. I get scared, I get worried. I`m scared because what if I was wrong this whole time and I become rich and powerful?  I get worried because what is going to happen to my little sister when I end my life? Will everything I had to go through my sister have to go through now that I am gone and my mom has no one to take her anger out on so she will take it out on my sister ?
Sometimes I think that I am being selfish, other times I think that I need to start thinking about my self for once and do what makes ME happy not you her him or them happy.I just don’t know what do anymore….
1 comment
I’m in no position to give advice so you can tell me to fuck off if you want but it seems you have a good bond with your little sister so she’s worth sticking around for and just think how lonely she will be if you kill yourself. I’ve only been sticking around for my mums sake so I know hoe you feel. It’s totally up to you though. Good luck