I’m at the edge of breaking into tears, at the edge of an hysterical attack… I want to scream and yell and hit the walls and bit my arms and just lose my self control for a little while. But right now I just can’t, I can’t go crazy in the middle of my class.
Today I’m having a down and it’s the worst, I’ve been feeling like crap since the very moment I woke up. I think that if I die, none of the ones around me will even notice, I’m nothing more than the shy girl who hides behind the anger and her phone so no one will annoy her. My parents might care but my ‘friends’ woul just say “ohh, so she finally took the decision, good for her”.
I feel alone, no matter if I’m with any person, I just fake a smile and read something in my phone so nothing can get to me… until the moment I can’t just pretend the book’s story is mine and every little think comes back to hurt me. I want to lose control but I know that if I start to do something I won’t stop until I do something I will regret…
Help! :s
3 comments
I have days like that a lot. I always tell my health teacher (who is close to me than my closest friends or family). She would give me chocolate and a hug. It helped for a few minutes but then the feeling would come back… It wouldn’t go away until I was asleep. And those feeling don’t always last just one day for me. It could last almost a week sometimes. I wish I could help but I’m still trying to figure out how to fix it too..
The first thing you find on this site is that you’re not the only one suffering like that.Although it might not help make you feel better it’s still comforting.
I know how hard to fake smilling is when you feel this way.For my part,I fake all day because I don’t want people to get involved.
Thanks for the answers anyway. I still alive, and that’s what matters right now… I think.
Still alive and still wanting to be dead. I now this won’t stop until I have the attack but I just can’t leave myself lose control, it feels terrible to keep the pain inside but it’s even worst think of letting it out… idk, I just wanna cry and yell but not if anyone of my family could know anything about it, they think it’s because I’ve been reading a lot these last few days (the only way of keep my mind out of the pain) and it will only make it worst…