This really pains me to say this but…….I’m a pedophile or maybe a board-line/recovering pedophile if that exist. That’s just one of the reason I hate myself so much. To give u a quick run down of my disaster life it goes like this:
· I’m in my twenties
· Never had a girlfriend
· Super depress (obviously suicidal)
· Masturbate two-three times a day
· Small group of friends
· Tried therapy
· Tried medications
· Self help book
· Even hypnosis
· All & all basically a total definition of a loser
The worst part is that I’m entrusted with the care of a beautiful little girl who is the daughter of a close family friends (ironic.. I know)
I have done despicable things when I was a kid and in my earlier teens but I thought that I had long changed and that I grow out of those past urges and deviant thoughts, but I’m not so sure now. When I’m around the little girl in the past few times, I’m not sure if I’m a step away from going “there again†or will I be able to suppress those impulses. I’m confused.
With my track record being what it is, I really don’t want history to repeat itself. I’m tired of not being happy, I’m tired of having zero confidence in myself, I don’t want to be broke forever and I don’t want to hurt people any more.
I have a plan that will answer my question:
To live or to die? Changes seems just too hard at times
6 comments
Lets hope for some good change.
Try to do what’s right
Obviously, I don’t know, but I think sexuality is really something very fluid, which can change a lot over a person’s lifetime, due to one’s experiences, environment, etc.
You specifically mention that you’ve never had a girlfriend. Would you like to have one? Because I could imagine, that if you would, it must be really frustrating never to have had that experience.
Anyway, even though you’ve tried therapy, and lots of other things, maybe there’s a therapist out there who’s more suitable for you. Someone really has to understand you deeply, and to know life well, to be able to help you.
I applaud you for opening up about your pain, and I think it is very important that you find someone who’s both wise and kind, probably some kind of therapist, to help you get to grips with your sexuality and learn to live with it in a constructive and comfortable way.
I’d maybe try and steer clear of the young girl at least until you have spoken to someone who can help you.
Good luck, I hope you find happiness 🙂
When we find ourselves in role of caregiver for others, we take upon us a huge responsibility of keeping another safe.
Often the ones we are charged with keeping safe are helpless compared to us.
It then becomes our burden, to hold safe, this vulnerable person from all harms, including us.
We must know our limits, we must be vigilant, we must have boundaries.
To be one’s guardian is to understand our role both as villan and hero.
We must choose, every moment,
Choose wisely
If you are at all worried about violating the trust your friends placed in you, I think you need to be honest with them and tell them that they should have someone else care for the girl. If you’re struggling, you don’t need that temptation in your life, and the most responsible thing you could do right now is remove it.
I was the little girl. Please do the right thing and tell your friends. You don’t have to tell them the whole truth, but just tell them you’re not equipped to look after children right now.
Umm..if you are having those urges you need to get the F out of there!!
Don’t keep taking care of the girl. I was sexually abused as young as 9 by an adult I was supposed to be able to trust. I’m fifty shades fucked now. You don’t want to harm the girl so remove the temptation. Some problems aren’t fixed with therapy or medication. It has to be up to you not to harm them. Please don’t harm the girl. Keep trying because you can do it.