Lost my reason for living

It’s almost been a year now. A year since I pushed the only person out of my life who made life worth living. Since then I’ve become an alcoholic, abandoned my personal morals regarding premarital sex, am stuck in a relationship that I don’t know how to get out of, and have become even more depressed then I thought I could be.
Meanwhile my closest companion has gone off to better herself spiritually and with an education, and is apparently now in a relationship. Hopefully the person she is with now doesn’t hurt her as badly as I did.
I don’t know if I have the guts to take my own life, but I’ve thought about it every day for God knows how long…