To harm any innocent life is only to harm the love of the world.This is what i have always lived by.Im in the bathroom at this very second pondering my way out of life.i know im sick,every small decision and trouble i face in the road leads to the ultimate solution. Im suppose to be getting married in 9 days,and im only 19.i wish i had made a diffrent career choice so that i could give this perfecr girl everything that she deserves. The army isnt for me,and every day that goes by i regret joining.i live in constant fear of the world around me.getting […]
Tag:
Morals
I am still alive. now at the age of 21 looking back on what i have been trough and it starts making sense again.
I reached to the breaking point again and remembered this site from long ago and was thinking i should spill my thoughts here.
I never told much about my self from the few posts i made here and now i feel is the time to reveal some details about myself just so things would seem more clearly.
so what to begin with? since when i was a little kid our family had lots of problems. we never were a big family, […]
So I’m 18, a senior in high school, and although most of the drama in my life revolves around my anxiety and eating disorders, family problems, or suicidal thoughts, for once I have a normal problem. Just typing those words felt fantastic. I have really strong morals, I’m honestly not sure why because it’s not something I learned from my parents, but I don’t know, I just do. I also have pretty high standards when it comes to guys, although I’ve had a few boyfriends I’ve always felt like dating in high school is pointless, it’s just setting you up for a broken heart. I […]
Why does the world hurt?
I look upon others, and I see all the hurt
I tell myself that it’s gone; but that is an outrageous lie
Why are they still hurting; I ask myself.
My parental instincts go forth to thee;
And I try to protect those that hurt by feeling their pain for them;
but if anything they writhe in agony more.
Why do people have to hurt other people?!
Why do adults hurt children? Why do adults hurt adults?!
Why do some not have morals in their lives…
I read all of the pain and suffering
I read of all the murders and crime. I hear of all the struggles.
I cry and pray. […]
For so long…. My life has been one giant fuck up. I wont lie, Ive done a lot of bad things in my life. But thats not why I want my life to end…. A few years ago I lost my closest friend in the world. No, He didnt die… I suppose its best to start this story from the beginning. Please forgive me for my poor grammar and punctuation.
From the third week I was born, I had my friend Quinn. He was like a brother to me, He never dodged my questions when I was down and needing advice. He talked me out of […]
Are people that want to commit suicide mentally ill? Yes; at least that is what almost all doctors, psychiatrists, law enforcement personnel and people that claim to have moral superiority and responsibility for monitoring the world population and assuring that everyone have their (questionable) values (and judgments) will tell you. Since these very same people have never seriously considered ending it all and their mind has been clouded (over the years) by religious dogma that has been crammed down their throat. Now they think they have the right to steer their touted morals into controlling the actions of everyone on the planet. With the threat […]
I actually took advice… I seeked help
I have wanted to die for the past several years that I can remember. Not as much for the reason of hating life; moreso the desire for all the pain around me to stop.
A sum up.. I grew up with a family who abused drugs and alcohol. Never had a real parental figure that helped me distinguish “right or wrong” or even a good sense of morals. I have had multiple relationships but all ended badly. I blame myself moreso because my first ever love had committed suicide when we were 16.
With that and a whole lot more that […]
So i found the hand gun i knew the old man had. im not into guns cause i have morals against them so i dont work them well but i know it well enough to shoot. so i cocked the gun and couldnt figure out how to fix it without shooting it so i had to take it outside and shoot it. powerful little thing. crush my skull good! so ive been really thinking about using it to end my life soon. but i guess im scared to do it. i dont know why. i cant find anything worth staying alive for. being dead sounds […]
I estimate this fight has been going on for a grueling decade now. As a juvenile I made an attempt. It’s been my only attempt. However, the thoughts never subsided. I learned in this last year that they can get worse. But I still try to carry on. Act as though they don’t exist. These thoughts are very much real I’m sad to say.
Ive tried seeking help. I started by informing my family. As they did when I was a juvenile, it was brushed off. I’ve learned to not tell them much about my life. Don’t get me wrong, I wasn’t abused as child. I […]
This is the question I ask myself everyday and honestly I don’t ever expect the answer. All my life people have had little faith in me. Telling me I will go to jail when I get older, saying I beat down a girl when I did not, and so much more. In fact I was accused of rapeing my  niece when I LOVE that girl and have told everyone that I always want to be there to protect her. If I raped her that would go against my word AND my morals.  People have told me numerous times I look like a pedophile and that I have […]
I tried a new approach to deal with my depression; acknowledging it as a sickness of the mind and body but not anything to do with me personally. I take full responsibility for my past and every action I’ve taken up to this point in life, but the issues slowing me down aren’t my own.
All throughout my life, I’ve been shown the way I should be by the people around me. What I should be doing, the type of things I should study, the work I should go out for, partying and living it up etc etc; so I’ve been conditioned to hate myself […]
I have 5 sisters. My imperfections used to be guarded by my older sister, she’s 18. She rebelled against my family, did very unfortunate things, and next to her I was perfect. Then she was kicked out of the house. With her gone, all my imperfections came to light. I now sit between two perfect sisters. One is 23, the other 15. I am 17 and next to them I feel worthless. They are always better than me. They love better than me, they are more fun than me, and they have a better personality than me. At least that’s what my parents make clear. […]
I’m sixteen and i’m an alcoholic already at my age. My town isn’t exactly big on morals so getting a hold of it isn’t a problem
But… I think alcohol saved my life.
If i wasn’t drunk every evening, I believe I would not be here today. I firmly believe I would have killed myself long ago.
I am so disillusioned with the world and the only time I don’t care about who or what i hate and why or how much I hate it is when i feel so inebriated.
I guess i’m just wondering how healthy this is mentally? It’s obvious it isn’t good for my […]
My depression has returned.Â
I’m cracked, very close to my breaking point. Maybe I should break already. I just need an extra push.Â
I finally got over Nycolle a few weeks ago and as I basked in the sunshine, Jasmine, my cousin, broke up with me. It would have been our 1 month anniversary….Â
I love her so much, at first, it was so unreal, and I felt so numb, now I’ve begun to become more irritable now. My brother who knew about us, he doesn’t understand I’m pissy and pisses me off a lot.Â
I try not to get angry, but it just phases me too easily. When […]
It’s almost been a year now. A year since I pushed the only person out of my life who made life worth living. Since then I’ve become an alcoholic, abandoned my personal morals regarding premarital sex, am stuck in a relationship that I don’t know how to get out of, and have become even more depressed then I thought I could be.
Meanwhile my closest companion has gone off to better herself spiritually and with an education, and is apparently now in a relationship. Hopefully the person she is with now doesn’t hurt her as badly as I did.
I don’t know if I have […]
I’m 29, almost 30.
You could say, I’ve lived half my life.
I spent most of it depressed and thinking of ways to end my life…but little did I know, that I was destined for something great and amazing.
I’m not trying to tell you what to do, but I am telling you that there IS hope, and better days are around the bend.
I never knew my real father, my mother is an alcoholic, and I pratically raise five of my siblings from the time I was eight years old. I was molested twice, neither person was charged or convicted, so you could say my mother failed to […]
I all the time feel lost.
Day by day I feel like it’s work to try to be friends with people. I feel like everyone around me is hypocritical and fake. I talk to my mom all the time about how one day my friend can be gossiping about someone non-stop and the next they’re going on a trip with that person and acting like they’re best friends.. I believe in forgiveness and I believe that if someone does wrong to you over time you need to forgive. I also believe in being true to yourself and making it clear to people who you are […]
I just had one, simply because someone else posted something moronic on their facebook. Some bible quote:
Ye are the salt of the earth: but if the salt have lost his savour, wherewith shall it be salted? it is thenceforth good for nothing, but to be cast out, and to be trodden under foot of men
My thoughts were like this; that is right, I am trash, I am going to be trodden upon, because I have no savour, and I can’t fight for myself, I’m horrible and pathetic and damaged, with no morals, no motivation, no drive.
Its like pearls before swine, and I am swine. A […]