I don’t think I can do this. Die. Too much of a coward to take the coward’s way out. But I can’t stay here. Why does this have to be up to me?
Most important decision of my life. And I’m choking.
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You’re not alone there buddy,rink things through is it really that bad?maybe a bit of self preservation means you are not sure take your time and look hard is there another way forward keep writting on here till you find it and know you are not alone
I know what you mean, despite having 5 serious suicide attempts in the last 8 months, this last week I stood on the brink myself. I tried so hard to pull the trigger, hanging and drug OD and just managed to at the last second release myself from the noose. I have no idea why, but I also felt that I can no longer “pull the trigger” and it hurts just as much as everything else.
I feel exactly the same way. Hang in there.
BTW, suicide is not the cowards way out. Trust me!
Suicide is not the “cowards way out” and don’t let anyone tell you that it is, I’m not saying its a smart thing but I understand how it can be the only option in some situations. Honestly, I wish I had the strength to do it, it would seem like it can be so simple yet it would be the most difficult thing I would ever attempt. People who can take the bullets out of their gun and walk away are in my eyes, probably the bravest people I will ever know. It also takes a lot of strength to pull the trigger as well. If it were the cowards way out, then it would be easy wouldn’t it?
There’s nothing cowardly at all…you have a circumstance and you’re faced with a choice. The more you think about it, the harder it gets because you’re focusing your mind in this way…it’s natural, it’s not your fault. Making a clear decision about anything takes courage & this process is teaching you that…so is stinks, I”m with you, but that is a positive.
So I’d encourage you to line up with being in your physical body in life and ‘choose’ to feel good about it & that your choices will support this or line up with re emerging into the non-physical & choose to feel good about that. But line up with one or the other. Until you make a decision, this feeling will go on and on. Making a decision is a very liberating thing. Good luck!
I know what you mean too. Everytime I get close, I back out. I wanted to so bad. My body wouldn’t let me.
@ Everlasting: hey! I thought you were dead. I stayed on ur page and refreshed it everyday to see if you posted again.. Glad you’re still with us
@ Dawn – Thanks. Didn’t realize anyone cared, but very nice to know. By all rights I should be gone now, but as my comment above suggested, pulling that trigger was just too hard. I collapsed afterwards, bloody close call. I pretty much regret not doing it, because for every day that goes now I move further away from it, but my pain is still very hard to live with. I just hurt myself in many other ways instead. Hope that you are doing ok and finding a way through.
EVERLASTING!!! Your still here! Im gkad to see you have been posting, i kept an eye out for you and you did a disappearing act on us, i am so glad you are still around.
Good to have you back and also thank you for helping me… Oh i could just hug and squeeze you!
Gee i mean erm *blush* Good to hear your still here Everlasting andfighting with us!:-) like dawn said.. I thought we had lost you and although im not a praying kind of person, i did talk to thin air hoping you were ok.
Aw crimson lol
and yes I care very much. I enjoy seeing ur name on here. You don’t realize that your words help. I know that we don’t know each other but you did kinda scare me. I do care and I’m glad you’re still here. Not glad about you being in pain but I hope it helps you to know that your words help others. And like crimson said I hug you so tight too. Group hug! Lol
would*
@ Crimson – Yes, so very sweet and touches me deeply 🙂 Thank you so much.
Didn’t mean to scare anyone, I was messed up and couldn’t even get online because I was such a mess. Going to post an update though.
@ Dawn – I am glad to know you feel the same too 🙂 Thanks for saying my words help. Maybe that is why I a still here, to help others too. Unfortunately, I am struggling to help myself and when one is alone, it is so hard to keep going.
Big Group HUG!
Everlasting, your post is so true thanks.
Aww its ok Everlasting i understand what you mean, i had a day or two like that myself, i am just so glad your still with us fighting. Where you from ever?
Your posts do help people, thought about being an outreach speaker? The do talks in schools n stuff, your very intelligent, your posts are really wise. I know sometimes that you feel you cant help anyone because you canthelp yourself, but actually just by posting your experiences, you help lots of people.
Thanks for the hug <3