I feel useless, I can’t make a difference in my life… everything about my life is painful there is nothing positive to me anymore. As much as I preach to myself all the good things I can do and become…I can’t wait that long. I’m tired of waiting for something good or to be fixed. The only thing stopping me is how ? how do I end it all and rest permanently without a thousands things in my head, walking around with a fake smile but in my head it’s all sadness and loneliness…. I can’t take anything anymore and I’m tired of hearing it’ll get better, where has this “better” thing been and why isn’t it come yet. I don’t want to wait for it anymore! …bye
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People say things will get better. But when? I have asked my self that numerous times. Even though i am only 14 I know that you can’t wait for things to get better you have to go make them better. I wait for two year for the taunting, threats, beating up, and much more to go away but they never did until I DID something about it. And you probably think I have done all i can. But what about letting it all out. Talk about it, write it down anything that helps you get it all out then it bottled it up inside of you. Don’t say goodbye now life has only started. Yes there will be bumps in the road some big and some small but you can get passed them if you have faith in your self and I have faith in you to get passed them!
I genuinely do feel your pain and I can understand what’s going on in your head at the minute. generally my medication manages my depression quite well. By quite well I mean I can do things I enjoy such as fishing I enjoy spending time with my friends making them laugh all the time.. However there are times when I can start the descent into my pit of doom. The place where I guess your at now 🙁 I know how you feel about constantly hearing it’ll get better… we sometimes know it will but can’t see it or we can’t for things to turn around quick enough.
I was sat in my car only last week taking aspirin after aspirin with the intention of them thinning out my blood for when i cut my wrists. I had spent 2 days in my car trying to convince myself things would get better, and I would once again be able to cope with what life throws at me .However in then end the pain was too strong and I chose only way out in my eyes.. Fortunately for my friends and family after taking the tablets I fell asleep and woke to stomach pains and god awful ringing in my head. I guess this was a sign or maybe I couldn’t find it in me to make the cut across my wrist.
I drove myself back home and spent the next couple of days in hospital and had to tell my wife what I’d done. I still wish I had made the final cut but now I have to try and rebuild the damage caused to family and friends.. this is the hardest part of it. I know if you have set your mind on it nobody on gods green earth will stop you from doing it. However I do hope that from just chatting on here and talking to specialists you can get the help that gets you through this horrible dark time.
Darren 😉