Okay it’s me again and I’m feeling really stupid for bothering you with every wee thing, but I just really can’t cope atm. I have this problem: I tell the people that hurt me, my parents, those who’ve abused me all my life and who made me the wreck I am, everything about my feelings. I know that’s not smart, but usually soon after they’ve managed to bring me down enough so that I’m in a state of depression and anxiety, they’ ll want to ” talk” about it and they’ll even tell me they’re sorry, and especially in my Dad’s case that he ” does love me though” ..and I know that’s part of their technique and it’s not genuine, but usually in those moments of weakness I’ll tell him about how I feel when they do that to me, that I’ve probably developed a childhood trauma thanks to them etc. And I feel that they use this information to hurt me even more next time, and that they get satisfaction from hearing me say this, but I can’t stop myself from talking, since I don’t have anyone else to talk to. Any ideas on how to stop sabotaging myself?
Off-topic:Â Does anyone ever feel like their personality is being threatened? Like once they’ve been betrayed or abused again, they feel like they’re losing their sense of self, even their interests etc? Cause that happens to me and usually makes things more difficult, cause it causes an internal battle, me trying to stay the person i was before the incident, and a part of me trying to change me, perhaps to protect me, to distract me idk. I know this sounds insane, but I thought I’d ask since google doesn’t find anything on it.