im just writing down my lifestory shortly and i wont go into details.
i grew up on a farm. well i lived on a farm for 14 years. my dad used to force me to watch him kill sheep’s for dinner. he wanted me to learn how to shoot them in a painless way. the first time i watched wasn’t that bad. it went quick. it died in a split second. the second time. a year or a half later my dad got drunk. really drunk and dragged me into the barn and shot a sheep and yelled that i had to learn this by now. i think he shot the sheep 4 or 5 times before it actually died.. i was 9. after that i stopped eating meat. you never know how the animal died.
a few years later when i turned 14. well it was alitle before that. my dad busted me kissing another boy and he got really pissed off and kicked me out of the house. mom went 2 though. best thing that ever happened to us. finally he was out of our lives. and i got better. mentally. and i got my first actual boyfriend. i dont actually remember the date. but i think it was in february. yeah. february 2011. he was all nice to me the first months. until. somewhere in (may) he started hitting me. i thought i did something wrong. that i deserved it. i realised later that it was a sign of domination. it went so far once that he actually cut my wrists and left me in the kitchen unable to do anything. luckily a neighbor who lived in the same building heard me crying for help and she called the police and the ambulance right away. i owe her my life. i finally got evidence enough to get the police to arrest him. somewhere in september. i finally was free. i met him in a halfway house in december. my christmas gift was an arguement and a tv smashed in my head. thats the last time i saw him. i never will ether. atleast now i know he has balls enough to look me in the eye and pull the trigger. thats my background in minor detail. it didnt make me into a suicidal person. quite opposite. i needed those things to get to where i am now. and i have will to live if i see anyone in the same situation i was in a year ago.