I don’t really know how to start this out seeing as i havn’t talked to anyone about this yet. I guess i’ll just start with i’ve been having suicidal thoughts lately and it wouldn’t be hard considering my dad has a gun license and has several guns in the basement in which i know how to load and use. I can honestly say i don’t love my mother. My father is the best dad i could ask for but my mother is not. My mother treats everyone like they’re dirt especially me. I can’t stand up to her because i have no where else to go. I have nobody that would take me in. i don’t have anyone to talk to about this and if i told my mother it would only enrage her. Recently i was in a car accident with her car and it was the other drivers fault. She didn’t care that i was okay, just about her car. She’s been treating me worse than usual lately and won’t let me leave the house. I don’t know what to do and i can’t take her verbal abuse anymore. I don’t know what else to result to. Her problem with alcohol seems to get worse every week. My father just avoids her and I can’t get away. I don’t know how to cope anymore. Even if i did go through with it i doubt my mother would care. She is full of rage anytime im near her or even if i look at her. I’ll be doing something she told me to like trimming the hedges or mowing the lawn for example and she’ll flip out at me for not doing something else that she didn’t even tell me to do. I don’t know who to turn to. And i don’t know if anyone will see this before its too late but i figured i’d at least let someone know that i’m gone. My names Michael.
2 comments
I’ve been having those thoughts too
Hey, that is a lot of crap in your life. it must be really tough.
There are things that I would try prior to suicide – it is worth giving it a go. you have to talk to your father about your mum. You have to say that you cannot live like this anymore and that something has to change. It is hard to make yourself clear – but when you have nothing to lose (hey, you are thinking about death). You can just be plain honest.
I grew up with an alcoholic father and it is really hard, or rather impossible – I don’t know why I did not kill myself back then. My councilor says that we all have a will to survive but sometimes it is bloody hard to live.
the other thing is to get help – long term counseling – you need to seek this yourself – and be proactive in keeping it up. if the first counselor is full of shit – find another, there will be one out there on your wave length.
I am 43 and am just facing the ghosts of my past – it is worth sorting it out at your age because if you don’t you have to face it sometime.
Good luck