life

over the last couple of weeks, ive been depressed, i don’t know why and i dont know how i’ve gotten this way, i sit there and cry, i feel like nothing to anyone, i give up and just want to die all the time. Most people say i shouldn’t think that, because i’m 13 years old and i shouldn’t waste my life away, suicide isn’t the way to deal with it, i’ve cut myself, wished&cried that i didn’t want to be here so many times, people just don’t understand how i feel.. about anything? No-one knows why i’m like this, i don’t even know, i just want to be the happy girl i was before, the one that was always smiling, not the one that goes to school with bags under their eyes looking like a total mess because i can’t stop crying. I haven’t tried drugs or anything. I’ve drunk and smoked once. i have had such a bad life and i hated it when i was in a state, now im mixed emotions and in an emotional state, i dont want to be this way, at all! If anything i just want to be happy and that girl i used to be, not the one that cried because of lads 0r something stupid. Lads are my worst problem, Probably why i’m depressed, i don’t know. But my story about lads, well they just annoy me, they tell you they love you and then you get them feelings for them, hope someone understands me, not think i’m typing a load of shit, because it’s not… i was with a lad for ages and i was sosososos happy, but as soon as we broke up, he hated me, he called me a slag he said i was fat, he just slagged me off all the time to everyone, i wanted to die at this point, because i just got shit off everyone, bullies annoy me, i used to be a bully, but im not anymore, i get bullied, everyone gets bullied. Just hate my life. I try my best to calm down i can’t, I raise my voice at everyone, i just wish i could be the old girl i used to be, that worried about the way she looked not about lads. Not about anything else. I used to think the world of myself, sounds a bit big headed, but i used to love the fact that i could just act myself around people. Not being embarrassed what i looked like i didn’t really care, now these days it’s like ‘yolo’ ‘fish’ girls with shit loads of make-up on, 13 year olds sleeping around with 15year olds. society is fucked completely, but oh well nothings perfect, i hope someone reads this and can understand me:(