Hi, I’m Sarah. I’m 16 years old. I have thoughts of suicide all the time. I hide behind the smiles I show to people so they won’t judge me. They tell me to go cut myself or go kill myself. Sometimes its my brother telling me too. I know he’s joking but I feel that he’s meaning it too. I have thoughts about doing it but never following through because I have a friend that is the same why as me. I don’t want to have this thoughts but I feel as if this urge is getting stronger and one day I won’t be able to control it anymore. My parents don’t understand me when I tell them things. Only person I told about my problems is my friend because she understands what I go through she makes my life easier to live. If I didn’t have her now in my life I wouldn’t be here right now telling you this. I wish I could tell my parents or anyone in my family but all they will do is yell at me and call me worthless and tell me to do so, mostly two of my brothers make it worse and my mom. They make it so hard to want to live in this life, but I don’t want to leave my friend, and make her deal with this all by herself. I have the urge to cut myself everyday. But some days I do cut myself where no one can see or know about it not even my friend.Â
2 comments
DON’T END YOUR LIFE , DON’T GIVE UP , REACH OUT TO ME.
Before you decide to take your life, imagine who will find you. Imagine them walking into a room, and seeing you just hanging there. Whether it be your little sister, little brother, mother father, grandparents, a friend. Imagine what will happen when they find you. No, they will not say “Finally, they’re gone.†No, they will not say “I’m happy they did that.†No, they will not say “I never loved them anyways.†They will die. Their hearts will break. They will hurt, more than you ever could. They will cry, scream, and break down. They’ll believe it’s all just a dream, praying to wake up. Except, they won’t feel that for a few seconds, or a few days, not weeks, nor months. They will feel that until the day they die. Everyday will be hell. They’ll think of you ever second. They’ll hate themselves for not being able to help or save you. They’ll wish they could die too. They’ll want to give up, just to be with you. They won’t be ever be happy again. They won’t smile. They won’t go back to their daily routine. They’ll die every time they walk past your room, or see a picture of you, or think of a memory with you. They’ll think, but stay quiet. They’ll visit your grave, feeling a knife go through their chest every time. And every morning when they wake up, no matter how long it’s been, they’ll wake up to thinking they’ll see you, only to be let down once again. And every night, they will cry themselves to sleep, because even though they refuse to admit it, know you’re gone forever.Before you decide to take your life, think of your family, burying you. Yes, your own mother and father are planning your funeral. It’s supposed to be the other way around, but it’s not. They’ll have to call the cops, sign a death certificate, pick out clothing, buy a tomb stone, a casket, pick out flower arrangements, and more; All for their child’s funeral. The morning of your funeral, everyone who loves you is wearing black. Tears are streaming down their face, while their heart is breaking. Everyone who you thought didn’t need you, or didn’t care, are waiting in line to see you. They aren’t waiting in line at a party, or a graduation, or at a wedding reception. They’re waiting to see you, hands folded, lifeless, in a casket.Before you decide to take your life, think of everyone you will be hurting. Don’t you dare so no one, because absolutely everyone will be affected. Your grandparents, won’t have a grandchild anymore. Your parents, won’t have a child anymore. Your brother or sister, won’t have a sibling anymore. Your pet, won’t have an owner anymore. That person you sit next to in class, won’t feel your presence anymore. Your teacher, won’t have a student anymore. That time your grandparents told you no, will haunt them forever, thinking it is their fault, that you are now dead. That time your parents yelled at you, will haunt them forever, thinking if they didn’t yell at you, you would still be here. That time your sibling said they hated you, will hate themselves, because they believe you would still be alive if they said they loved you instead. Those kids who made you feel bad, will wish they were dead too, because if they just smiled at you instead, you would be here. That teacher that you didn’t meet her expectations, will feel like a failure, because you would still be here, if she believed in you. Everyone, who has ever been in your presence, will hurt, because if they showed you they cared, you would still be here.
Before you decide to take your life, think. Don’t just think of yourself, think of the consequences for everyone else. No one’s life will be the same again. That person who God made specially for you, won’t have you. That happiness that was waiting for you, will never show again. Before you decide to take your life, realize that you may be ending your pain, but you’ll be starting a lifetime of everyone elses.
If you are feeling alone, and think that suicide is the only way out:
My ask is open, and I’m always here. I’ll never judge you. I’ll try to help you.
Talk to me :/ if this makes you feel worse, please email me, im here and i CARE!! your a complete stranger but i care, and i’ve been exactly where you are, reach out to me :3 Please don’t give up hope
– I RECENTLY SAVED A YOUNG 32YR OLD WOMAN on here , and heres her story,
http://suicideproject.org/2012/07/thank-you-alexa/
I can help and im here.. i never left her, and i’ll never leave you, no matter how many times you push me away, i’m always here!
If you live by yourself, or your in a situation where your parents or anyone doesn’t care, I DO. Talk to me
Sarah,
Listen to the last poster and me. PLEASE dont. You matter. You matter to me, you matter to the last poster. You matter to your family and friends. Maybe they SUCK at expressing it well – but they do care.
And even if they didn’t care – I do. You are NOT alone. And people like me are always around willing to help any way we can. You ALWAYS have people who care. You ALWAYS have the promise of a roof over your head if you need it. You ALWAYS have the promise of someone who will care about you.
Just give us a chance.
GBGUY1970@yahoo.com