No hope.

There’s some contradictions in what you wrote. If nobody cares whether you live or die then nobody would call the hospital and drive you there when they find an empty bottle of pills. Of course your family wants you to be happy but they would like to see you happy and alive. I know it sucks when someone doesn’t love you back but it’s actually better this way for now because it’s super important that you learn to love yourself first before getting into a relationship with someone else. If you go into relationships without loving yourself you really put yourself in danger of being taken advantage of and dealing with things you don’t deserve, and you might end up being too needy and clingy because being in love with someone finally makes you happy and then you’re gonna want to see them all the time. I’ve been there before. I realize the main reason I’ve even had so many girlfriends in the first place is because it helps me escape from not loving myself when I know some pretty girl loves me. That would be all fine and good if the relationships ever lasted, but they always end because of my issues and the way I act. Loving yourself first is more important. If you have painful memories of being abused then you need to go talk to someone who can help.

You’re not alone in feeling the way you feel. I really dislike myself and on top of that, apparently everyone else dislikes me too. Maybe I would start to believe in myself if I had any friends left or if any of my girlfriends didn’t dump me, but I have nobody. It’s hard to have self esteem when nobody likes you. It’s not an easy journey but I hope you’ll keep trying.

If you have the courage to swallow a bottle of pills and face what might be on the other side of death, then you can find the courage to fight to improve your life.

Next time you want to die, just ask yourself this, are you sure suicide is really an escape? What if there is something afterwards? What if our personalities and our consciousness does continue exactly where we left off in life? Meaning you will still be sad, depressed, upset, whatever you want to call it, plus you’ll have left this world behind and there’s nothing you can do to change it. This is a method I use on myself sometimes. I miss the love of my life who dumped me, it’s painful not having any friends, I have no future, and I think about killing myself, but what if it’s not really an escape? What if we just end up in some other dimension feeling exactly the same way? Thinking about that freaks me out, so I’d rather stay here and see if my life will ever get better.