The only thing stopping me from taking all this naproxen right now is how much physical pain I’ll be in.
Well obviously that’s not true. But FUCK. Just…………….shut up. There’s too much noise in my head and how the hell do you confide in people about your actual problems? I’ve never been able to understand that. How do you tell people what’s wrong? It’s completely impossible. Especially when they actually NOTICE. And then they ASK. And I just panic and say I’m fine because my instinct is to never ever say what’s wrong because telling the truth makes me a freak. A freak with a bottle of painkillers and no obvious reason to kill herself. Just the noisiest brain imaginable. It never shuts the fuck up.If I could just turn it off for a little while, maybe I could feel better. But there’s no off switch.
What if I just…..overdosed on the naproxen, and called 911 myself? Why do I think that’s somehow a good idea? What would that accomplish except relinquishing my freedom for a fat chunk of my summer. WHY WOULD I DO THAT. But it’s been niggling away at the back of my mind for a week now. So that’s what’s up.
2 comments
If you have no reason to kill yourself then you might be bipolar, I don’t know for sure, I’m no expert but I had a friend who was bipolar and had no reason to kill herself. At certain times she would try to kill herself just because she was bipolar. Maybe you should call a hotline or admit yourself to a mental ward voluntarily, you can leave whenever you want. I’d say either of those options are better then overdosing, failing, and getting your stomach pumped just to be forced into a mental ward.
I too hope you won’t feel the need to take the overdose incensehotbox. It would seem a bit pointless, though I guess if you are desperate to communicate your pain in some way, that would be the point. I hope you can find other, less destructive ways of communicating it, though I hear how difficult you are finding that.
Counselling? Confiding in a friend or trusted adult? Keeping on posting here? Any or all of the above?
Also hear what you are saying about your ‘noisy’ brain. Exercise and watching your diet, caffeine intake etc, might have a positive effect on that.
Love, Z X