hi there.. can anybdy help me.. i really wanna end up my life.
m jus tired of livin in dis shit. i love a guy but he doesnt really
care.. i have no nothing to live for..
July 2012
Unfortunately.
I spent the entire summer not getting a job like I told everyone I would. I can’t get a job because of my anxieties. School is starting back, and I haven’t registered. I just found out I have a hold on my school account that prevents me from registering (due to having a ridiculously low GPA), anyway. Just walked out of my adviser’s office and he didn’t even bother to tell me I had the hold on my account, so I must make another appointment with him. Driving out there just makes me want to smash my car into something.
Lately my suicidal thoughts have been creeping back. […]
Random Reminiscing , cos’ I let mom read the instructions..
(just like the bubble gum components being molded by our mouth, exchanging places to nowhere )
My clothes, school books, mags, and other toys for big men were designated to be inherited by my close relatives. I really thought she would be happy when she realizes my breathing identity is about to disappear from this lively planet, instead she scolded me, saying I had to help my brothers raise their family. So I wondered again, Am I really just the one selfish? or does it just runs in the family? Nah, we were programmed both from our […]
I can’t get out of the house to get alcohol but have about 150 pills altogether. I have a very disabling, chronic physical condition that renders me in 24/7 severe pain and distress. I can’t be helped and living is not an option. I have suffered too long like this and need it end for mine and my family’s sake. Please advise only if you can guide me if it will work. I have had counselling and hospital visits to no avail. My pain never ends and need to know if this will definately work. Thank you.
I know a lot of people will respond with […]
We are all in the Hunger Games, the only difference is our names and faces
Sure we may not to be able to access to the weapons, or be forced to go and fight, but that doesn’t change the fact that we do. We viciously attack each other in many shapes and forms. Bullying, rape and assault are just some of the extreme ways that some people use to do this. The figures we look up to are the same. Sure they teach us all their good traits and beliefs and aren’t forcing children to kill each other, but it is like Paul says in the book All Quite on the Western Front; “They were suppose to be the ones […]
3 months!!! 3 fucking months since I’ve bruised myself… And i broke it RAWR RAWR RAWR
I’m thinking about starting to cut to see if it will help release the pain like it used to. I used to do it like over 10 yrs ago… I’m sooo much older now. I always think only teenagers do it (not to put down anyone) but I’ve been thinking about starting it back up lately just to see if it helps. Does it really help? The pain has been getting really bad again… been thinking about going thru with suicide and using helium to accomplish this… but gotta make sure a few things are in order first.
My big brother is one of my “newest friends” we never really got along but last fall it all changed. My mom knew i would always cut, then one day she told my brother about the marks on my arms(there pretty big, i like to burn the skin and cut it out) when my mom told me i didnt know what to think, i wrote a long note of how i would stay up at night to see him and make sure he got home safely, he always got in trouble with the […]
i hate myself, my body. everything. people always tell me to gain weight, or i look disgusting. im 5’7″ and 100 pounds. i look in the mirror and see nothing but chubbiness. im a big box of chubcicles< well that atleast made me laugh haha, i think that’s what makes it worse i’ll laugh it off today then tomorrow i’ll hate myself again for it. i reallly need to learn how to deal with things): ijustt dont know how.
I am 16 years old. I am not welcome into my own home. I have always been an outcast my whole life. I’m a freshmen.
I play sousaphone in marching band.
I am on depression, anxiety and scizo meds.
My best friend got in a car wreck and died.
My mom tells me I’m useless, I’m nothing.
I write poems. I’m put down for them.
a total of 10 friends of mine have killed themselves.
I’m too fat to eat…I’m 197 pounds. I don’t eat.
I cut myself a lot. I have tried suicide.
And i have a therapist. She doesnt help.
i am […]
This is me i seem like a normal girl wright wrong ive had a life of hell started self harming when i was 7 by sticking pins in my skin then it got mad when i was 10 i started cuting with a saving razor then a pencial razor by 12 by the age of 13 i was cutting with a real razor and still am i some times wanna use a knife but aint got the guts i have been told i have bipolar depression […]
Please leave my head.. I know I lost you so long ago. I feel you when I’m alone.. I feel you when I feel the steel pressed to my neck as I contemplate.. or the barrel on my forehead as I debate…
Why as humans are we so easy to hurt?
We were made for each other all i ever wanted u to know is i always love u we may be seprated by deeath but when ur gone what i need to hear i cant the only happness get is when i cut myself or dream of u being next to me why r u the one who had to get stabbed why wasnt it me do u know how much i need u my heart is missing u no matter who im with it want be the same even if i am 15 I MISS YOU MARTIN
i imagine what it would be like to cut my stomach open. seeing my insides pour out. my intestines falling, when i picture it its all in black in white. black blood flowing threw my fingers, down my legs on my pale skin. letting people see that i really just might be cold blooded on the inside
i don’t like being afraid of life, i sometimes wish i could have the lives of other people. the girls that don’t have any problems but how to wear their hair, guys, and homework. why did i have to be the one with a life like this? i sometimes imagine somehow putting a video on facebook for everyone to see, of me killing myself. letting people know how their all tearing my heart out without knowing it. being ignored is the worst of everything. i feel like if i’d do it no one would even realize it. all i do is blend in with the […]
This is just a list of thoughts that I feel guilty about and wish I could tell different people. I’m willing to give further explanation if it’s needed, but yeah, I don’t expect anyone to ask or care or anything, it’s just a way to get it all out.
1. I should have got you both help rather than trying to be superwoman. I mean making a mistake once is bad, but making it twice is worse…
2. I should have never told what happened. Now we both feel guilty.
3. I should have tried to make things right earlier rather than letting you suffer alone
I’,m 14 years old, & I’ve never really tried to kill myself but i had a thoughts..I’ve been stabbing my pillows & trying to cut my thighs & stuff because, ever since i was young my grandmother seemed like she never could accept the fact of my birth & my father the first time i met him i was 4 years old he abused me ever since i was little until i kept growing older & it kinda cooled down, he always use to sit on me hold my breath , he use to lock me in closets, abuse me with belts,sticks, fists, he did so much to me i […]
Being happy and staying happy is really hard. I got a job today that I’ve wanted for months, so I was happy. So happy I screamed LOUD! And then like five hours later, I got into a shouting match with my stepmom – again. And then I screamed again – also loud.
I just get so stressed living here that I keep getting these thoughts – that I could just…. you know. A lot of people see me as “the […]
So im 14 having these suicidal thoughts when I was 13 i got my mom who dosent care about me at all she ignores me she cheats on my dad having sex with other guys i always had a bad feelings about her. my dad dosent wanna leave her they fight from time to time but i tell me dad she dosent care about me he dosent listens he will rather be with her than his own son. I smoke weed to forget about my problems im not a pothead i just smoke from time to time. i ranaway 1 time it didnt seem to […]
my stomach is burning and aching for almost a week now and there’s a small mass when I massage it, I went to the doctor yesterday and he did some tests. I’m still waiting for the results. most of the people pray and hope for good news but not me. I’ll be very happy if he told me I have a fatal disease. I wont take any medicine and easily I’ll get the job done after years of razors and bills.