since i’m awake and thinking about it

My big brother is one of my “newest friends” we never really got along but last fall it all changed. My mom knew i would always cut, then one day she told my brother about the marks on my arms(there pretty big, i like to burn the skin and cut it out) when my mom told me i didnt know what to think, i wrote a long note of how i would stay up at night to see him and make sure he got home safely, he always got in trouble with the cops and drugs. even though we wernt close he was my big brother, i grew up with him. he was like a father figure to me since my dad chose drugs over both of us. that night he came into my room about to cry and asked me what was wrong. i wrote how i always want to die. we talked for hours. he just got his act together in april and just moved out. I sleep over at his house now. I love it i wish i could stay there forever. i just keep thinking about it tonight.