I’m just so bloody fed up! I’ve quit drinking, smoking weed and smoking cigarettes, these used to take me away for a bit from the heavy depression i’m now feeling all over. Today I got rid of my best friend once and for all because they were just bad for me and made me feel like shit most of the time.
Although I’ve done this, I now have no one as I don’t trust anyone and find it very hard to get close to anyone.
A friend of my family committed suicide a few months back and the damage they caused!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
But I can’t help thinking how lucky they are to be finished once and for all with this shit fucking curse called life!
I am not a bad person and try my best to stay out of trouble and not annoy anyone coz when i end up being blamed or involved in something that’s nothing to do with me, I’m just so sensitive that I can’t take it!
I’ve had depression for most of my life and still can’t even fully understand why? That pisses me off coz i wanna know why I’m always feeling so shit and nervous, drink used to help but I can’t even do that anymore. I’m now stuck here on this planet as my true self and I can’t handle it coz nothing makes sense and my head never ever stops!!
For my family’s sake I can’t do anything because I can’t put them through suicide attempts again, but I’m starting to lose trust in myself and somehow ended up on this site after typing into google…i want to die…… its the truth for too long now.
If there’s any help out there to start feeling better again please reply
2 comments
Not knowing why you’re depressed is the hardest part. If you can at least trace it back to one or more causes, you might be able to address these and move on. Or, you could find there are so many causes that it overwhelms you.
Either way, I would like to congratulate you for giving up the substances and the negative influences. Whilst self-medication may provide temporary relief, it will just hinder the recovery process.
If this is at all possible, consider taking yourself away from your current environment for a couple of days, and really dig deep to work out what you want from life. Then, try to work out how to get there, and break that down into small steps.
All the best.
Hi there. I want to echo sansesperer in congratulating you on giving up several substances. That in itself is an immensely positive step, although do bear in mind that even giving up one of those is a lot, I hope you haven’t taken on too much at once?
I’m really sorry you are suffering so much. Your user name is recurrent depression, so I guess by definition if it’s recurrent there must also be periods in your life when you feel OK and don’t have depression?
I know just how you feel when you say your head never stops. It can seem that way sometimes but I bet there are some times nonetheless when your head stops attacking you so severely and you can enjoy a bit of coasting on a more pleasant and peaceful frame of mind.
Sometimes that peace and respite can seem a long time coming, believe me I know and have been there throughout my adult life, but the insights you can gain when some of the fog lifts can be amazing. I really hope you will stick around to see it, poster.
All the very best. Zoe