why cant i just stay asleep

every day i wake up and wonder why cant i just sleep forever?. I am 25 years old have been depressed for the last five years. Over that time i have started cutting and have on 2  occasions i have tried to end my life. the first time i tried to hang myself but the rope broke. The second time I took a full bottle of Vicodin then then tried to shot myself but i just was not able to pull the trigger, my mind told its ok the pain pills will kill you. I woke up 2 days later. I can see no end to the pain and suffering in this world. i am going to try again on 1/21/3 maybe before then ill find some happiness but if i don’t this will be the time i pull the trigger. maybe no one cares about my bull shit or if i live or die but it feels good to finally tell someone.