I hate having a scientific mind, it’s like I can’t have a normal life because I’m thinking of things along the lines of “I feel like we are made of nothing, the whole concept of how we live life and how we sleep is unexplainably weird. We have eyes, mouths and ears.. We are walking limps.” It all sounds funny but it gives me this really nasty hopeless feeling. Trapped in my mind kinda thing. I wish I could think what normal people think but I’ve bypassed that mentality long ago. I’m living for my family and boyfriend in whom I love dearly. […]
Tag:
Pain And Suffering
I don’t think anyone knows the battle you have with your own mind. Day in and day out. Then the people who set you off yell at you and blame you as if it not their fault. Frankly if you set anyone off and blame them they will get mad. So why blame it on the person who is already upset with daily living.
Frankly one day i will have enough courage to kill myself. The thought of leaving the world and the pain and suffering actually makes me more excited for death to come. To think that i will not be in pain […]
I think this is the happiest I’ve been in a while…I…
Let me start:
When I was younger, I was bullied. I had no escape from the world. That was, until the day I got my mp3. Music was a whole different world to me. It still is. It’s all I breathe for. My life, my love and my soul are devoted to this otherworldly being…I’m intoxicated…
Anywho, there was one song preprogrammed into the mp3. I couldn’t pronounce the name at the time, so I just called it Jane and Eric’s waltz. It fit at the time. I had fallen madly in love with the song, […]
We spend our lives
trying to Be.
Be better.
Be smarter.
Be stronger.
Be prettier.
Just- to Be.
Be someone worthwhile.
Of course we do.
Who doesnt wake up each morning
wth the hope
that someone is going
to fall for us?
We strive for that feeling
of acceptance
and love.
Yet how do we forget
to find love for ourselves;
while we wait for another
to find their love for us?
Oh, how naive the soul
that roams each street alone,
wishing to find somone to love them
enough to take away the pain.
We are raised to believe that love
is the greatest reliever.
It can heal the wounds
and warm the icy blood pulsing through our veins.
We believe that the love of another is enough
to wash away
all pain and […]
Is your joke still funny when you see my scars?
Is your joke still funny when you see my tears?
When you see me wish for death?
when you see me in so much pain?
Is it still funny when all i think about is ways of dying?
When i wanna just kill myself?
when you know it was all your fault?
when you know that you pushed me over that line?
That it was your fault i cut out my veins?
when it was your fault i overdosed?
when you know it was your fault i put that rope over my neck?
Is your joke still funny when you see me basically dead but still […]
I just wanted to share with you guys why even though I think life is pointless I still chose to live on
Why live? Is I’m going to die anyway, if there is nothing after this, if my life has only been eating disorders, social anxiety, depression, ADD… Why live if I have already given up on ever having a romantic relationship, let alone a family, because only thinking about it exhaust me… Why live if I don’t want to achieve anything?
After all, for a nihilist life is pointless, why all these people keep procreating and suffering? Why not just give up on existence?
What’s the point […]
Why does the world hurt?
I look upon others, and I see all the hurt
I tell myself that it’s gone; but that is an outrageous lie
Why are they still hurting; I ask myself.
My parental instincts go forth to thee;
And I try to protect those that hurt by feeling their pain for them;
but if anything they writhe in agony more.
Why do people have to hurt other people?!
Why do adults hurt children? Why do adults hurt adults?!
Why do some not have morals in their lives…
I read all of the pain and suffering
I read of all the murders and crime. I hear of all the struggles.
I cry and pray. […]
I don’t know what to title this. I realized something two days ago. Almost all pain and suffering comes from caring. Death. You cared very much about the person that died, that’s why you grieve for them, that’s why you miss them. But what about that man who died in the other room? You didn’t know him, so you didn’t really care. Nobody likes death. Why does a relationship with someone hurt when it breaks off? Because you cared for that person, you loved them. Why does t hurt when your parents call you names, when they say that you’ll become nothing in life? Because […]
I recently watched a film called The Sound of Insects. The film really resonated with me because of the story it told. This guy was fed up with life, and he knew no body was going to come looking for him, so he disappeared into the woods and committed suicide by starvation. It took an enormous amount of will and the guy has to endure a lot of pain. He just sat there under a plastic sheet with a radio, a few books, and bed made of forest floor. I totally and completely felt for the guy, because I was the guy, to some extent […]
I’m so old and haven’t really had a chance to live.
I was abused as a child by people I trusted. I was raped as a teen for walking alone. I married to young to a sadist who would drug and rape me.  He’d make videos and take pictures. But, since we are married,he owns me I guess. The police don’t care at all. He seldom left marks you could see.  I don’t remember conceiving two of my children.
So when I do leave,hoping for a better life I find that a year late everything is still shit and I just want to die. Â It wold stop all the […]
Why some people can commit suicide?
Why some people want to commit suicide but can’t do it?
Suicide is really an awful thing to do but the feeling of the person who want to do it
is more awful becuase it is full of pain and suffering. They say too much of anything
is bad for us human beings, too much stress can lead to depression, too much vanity can
lead to anxiety and too much pain can lead to wanting to commit suicide.
We all know that there’s no perfect life. There are a lot of troubles, conflicts and
problems that we will face throughout our […]
i miss you so much. and i know i ruined our relationship. seeing you with someone else just kills me. it breaks me into pieces and i want to hold you again. i can’t live like this anymore. i miss school all the time. im weak and hopeless. and i only know the way out of this is to die. i don’t have the ability to do it myself. but i wish i did. i want to leave. im not strong enough to go through this pain and suffering. Â i need to let go. i have no true friends. i have my family but thats […]
I think I’ve figured it out.
Praying for one’s own death:
“No, ones own death is not (always) a bad thing to pray for.”
I say qualified because death in and of itself is not a worthwhile goal but what comes with death could be a desirable goal if one is in a state of grace.
If death is understood to to mean an end of pain and suffering, then that is not a bad thing to pray for.
If death is meant as the entrance into eternal life then that would be a good thing to pray for.
If death is meant as […]
So, being sick and tired of my life I decided to do something about it, or rather, try again. Not try to make it better but just to end it. After all, since there’s no meaningful purpose to my life I figured there wasn’t any point in prolonging the pain and suffering.
I had bought all I needed for “BBQ for one” (carbon monoxide poisoning) and went to the outhouse to prepare.
Here I fired up under the charcoal and had it be nice and glowing to emit maximum nice and deadly CO.
I had the coal in a chimney starter and was standing outside […]
every day i wake up and wonder why cant i just sleep forever?. I am 25 years old have been depressed for the last five years. Over that time i have started cutting and have on 2 Â occasions i have tried to end my life. the first time i tried to hang myself but the rope broke. The second time I took a full bottle of Vicodin then then tried to shot myself but i just was not able to pull the trigger, my mind told its ok the pain pills will kill you. I woke up 2 days later. I can see no end […]
It’s been a while…
A long while, actually… over a year. People still respond to my last post, which means I have helped over 1,000 people that were considering suicide…
But tonight I write to you in distress. Yes, I too, though a survivor, have many struggles.
Today is my 19th birthday, and I’m alone.
I have been drinking, and thinking much more than is healthy.
I have lost so much… yet I am needed here. It hurts, and I know I’ll get through this, but at times… you just need to vent.
Take a deep breath… think of what has driven you to this […]
I remember a line from the movie “the lives of others” and there was this line about suicide being “the death of hope.” Â That’s what I feel like.
I have no hope. Â None. Â I have no hope that my life is ever going to get better and that I will one day be a happy, content person. Â Whatever happiness I’ve ever had in my life has been fleeting. Â It’s only ever been when I was with two of my girlfriends. Â Both relationships ended when they dumped me at around the two month mark. Â I don’t see the point in deluding myself that it will ever get […]
Everything about me, all that is, is just a big metaphor =]Â
Because I am a Loony, So damn Loony! I got engulfed in the dark flames that got created within my life. And I love it!
I will never die, I WILL NEVER DIE! I post on here often about me dying, it is a metaphor! I die, very often, almost everyday, everytime I see that damn face, and that damn picture on the wall, I DIE. But I will never die!
I hate HATE, so that makes me a hypocrite, I hate LOVE but love LOVE. I Hate Anger but Love it! I am just all […]
The thought and feelings crept back in. I was depressed and suicidal before, but got through it. I learned to live and be happy. I mean, I thought I was happy. I never really know how I feel. It seems that I see how I should feel rather than having feelings. It’s all a mask to cover up the gaping void within me. I’m an empty vessel. I function within the world as anyone would, but I am no one. And I don’t mean I want to be appreciated because people make me feel like no one. Just, I’m inside my brain, and I can […]
i was doing good. I had gone a week without a single relapse. But then, like something wanted me to do it, I found my razor on the floor, just sitting there. It wasnt there before. But there it was. All the pain and suffering I feel, all the hate and frustration I have, it all hit me at once. And there was my ticket to euphoria… Relapse number four since I left the mental hospital… Proof that I’m too far gone to save anymore.
Newer Posts