Alone with no one to go to…

I used to have a few really good friends that i go to school with. They’ve either moved or we’ve had a falling out. Now i’m stuck by myself, with no one to go to… Today was the first day of senior year. It’s supposed to be the best year of your teenage years, right? Well. I could tell you otherwise. I walk in the class.. and i’m alone. Everyone’s in their own little cliques and i’m sitting in the back, alone. I’m not the most outgoing girl ever, i’ve been this way since i can remember… always the “quiet girl”. I didn’t really know how alone i was till lunch. I didn’t have anyone to go with or hangout with. So i sat outside for that 30 minutes. That made me realize how alone i really am.  Suicidal thoughts have came and gone in the past few months. But this time is different.. Now its all i can think about. It’s like i’m thinking who would truly care. My mom, of course, my family, yes. But the girls that sit and gossip about me being weird because i’m “always quiet”… no. And i know that’s a bit ridiculous, but you can only take so much getting made fun of before you break. This is going on year four of the gossiping. I don’t know if i can do it anymore. I’m done. With that. With feeling like i’m lost. Being alone. With life.