Best and worst day of my life

This past Saturday started off so amazingly. I was with a potential girlfriend the entire day, a girl that I overcame my social anxiety disorder to be with. We spent the entire day watching movies, playing games, talked, and went to look for some new clothes. At the end of the evening, we went to share some ice cream, then proceeded to bring her home.

On the way home, we went to surprise a good friend of ours at work until he got off. We followed his car home, and about halfway home, my car engine started smoking! I’ve put so much time and money into that car so far. We pulled over into the first possible place we could, and had parked the car on the side of the street.

Long story short, our friend drove us back to his workplace, bought some coolant, and returned to the car that my rear left window had been shattered by a rock and my gf’s purse stolen (it was a 5 minute trip and the smoking engine put everyone in tension, and we forgot to grab).

Filed a report, and when we were fixing to leave, the transmission started pouring fluid, as it has in the past. The sealant must have broken that night, too.

Had to quickly drive it back to her house and I stayed the night. Her roommate, and our friend, had always been a longtime crush of hers. We all just sat around talking the rest of the night and none of us had any desire to sleep. I had been up a solid day prior to this, and I didn’t end up sleeping until even last night. We woke up the next morning, the friend had to go to work, the parents were gone, and he needed to take a shower….she followed him. So, the person I worked so hard to overcome my past for showered with him, despite that she knew he didn’t want a relationship, and I did. The past few people I’ve ever been with have always been negative toward me, ignored me, and used me. This really makes me feel horrible because we had talked, and we both wanted something long term together.

And since my car was out of commission, I couldn’t escape that house until last night. And I’ve been enduring that thought and vision of those 2 ever since. I couldn’t handle the car issue, the stolen purse was my fault and made me feel very irresponsible, and then those 2 showering together. She hasn’t talked much with me since, and that fun atmosphere is now gone around each other. She isn’t interested in me anymore, and she told me.

I’m quite tempted to buy a firearm today for myself. All I’ve wanted was what she started giving me, which gave me hope: to always txt/ call me, to hold me randomly and be playful, to laugh at my own moments, and to just sit together not saying a word, just smiling because we were in each other’s company. I finally had that, then it seemed to literally die on me.

I don’t want to be here anymore…