long time

well its been up and down since i joined this site ,i shared my story , how i was raped , and used , hell im still used by so many of those close to me and it hurts but i lets them cause im hurting myself in the long run.When i joined this site , i had never hurt myself , never tried killing myself , i had only had thoughts about it , i was 14 when i joined up , im now 15 ,16 in 4 months ive tried killing myself twice , and cut myself a few times , ive also poured boiling water over my hands just to feel something, ive been referred to the doctors due to ‘depression’ they then referred me to CAHMS (child and adolescent mental health service) thinking that would help, i dont talk to people like that , whats the point? well they though it would be clever to make me start these groups in september for anxiety where i have to sit there with people my own age and talk about my ‘problems’ i dislike groups as it and this is going to make it so much worse ……..things kind of got better this summer i found myself smiling , which was weird , but then my dad went away to london and he rang me up saying he was to get me sectioned cause he doesnt think im safe enough for my own mental health :/ so its all fun and games at the moment , ive refrained myself from cutting , i felt the addiction , every time i was down i wanted to feel the blade against my skin but i didnt , and right now the urge is so bad , almost burning , i want to end it all , i see no point in continuing life , all im ever going to do is make the same mistakes over and over again