growing up everyone told me that being adopted was cool and made me special and unique. It wasn’t until I was old enough to understand what being adopted really meant that everything changed. A mother and child supposedly have an unbreakable bond of love. A mother has an unconditional love for her child. I was abandoned on the side of the road as a helpless baby left for dead like trash. So now I’m haunted with the fact that if my own mother who is supposed to be the one that loves me unconditionally can’t bring herself to love me who can?? My own mother can’t so surely no one else can. I’m just one big fat disappointment….. When I realized this I figured I was supposed to be dead anyways so I tried to commit suicide…… And couldn’t even do that the right way. I was put into therapy afterwards but only went a couple times because I’m terrified of being more of a disappointment and burden than i already am so I pretended to be better. But I still struggle daily with being a disappointment from the very start of my life….. Killing myself would hurt my adoptive family so I’m trapped…. I’m not a selfish person so I can’t bring myself to kill myself for the sake of my adoptive family…. But don’t I deserve to find a little happiness? I guess I’m still dying just more painfully and slowly than I’d like. It’d be so much easier to just be selfish and let go of everything….. I don’t know how much longer I can stand it
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Sometimes it’s hard to understand why a mother would do that sort of thing. Why she didnt keep you…why she didn’t have an abortion, what made her make the decision to leave you behind. Those things I don’t know, and I can only assume you dont know as well. But what you should know, is that you are better than her. You have a family that loves you, even though they are not blood related, they are your family. Your biological mother could have been abusive had she kept you, she could have starved you, she could have done horrible things, but instead she left you to let fate decide your destiny, and lo and behold, here you are. You are not a mistake.